Tuesday, April 29, 2008

my concept of push and pull...

A few hours ago, I did something that made me realize how I am as a person when it comes to acceptance, in various aspects that is.

I can say that I, being a friend, is loyal and true. I am always sincere in knowing them and getting along is merely not a problem. I would like to think that I have a way with people, that I can really be of help whenever they need it and you won't expect me to leave you running when you're in deep trouble.

I guess, I have gained very great friends. Some of them, actually most of them, have been with me for years as in decades. I do not mind being with somebody, knowing him or her, I will always take time in dealing with them for befriending means sharing a part of yourself more so your time. It is an investment but such should not be taken as it is...what I meant was an investment of emotions, good ones at that and of course, accepting the entire person. It involves time which according to Rick Warren's The Purpose Driven Life...is the best expression of love.

So, what's my point?

I have a friend who I severed ties with. I have a friend who, I thought, betrayed me. When anger sets in, you think of awful things and you deny yourself of logic, that you end up wasting precious time contemplating on what he has done to you; how he wronged you, etc. It's bad...really. It's like when you're emotionally ill, you tend to be sick totally.

And when this facade of anger finally faded, I made a turnaround by apologizing and telling that person that I do understand. He did what he did for that's what the circumstances allow him to do. It doesn't mean that we can get back or be friends as if nothing happened...Of course, it also takes time.
Just the thought of being mad over something, saying what wasn't supposed to be said...kills me. It's more of living with the guilt that I allowed myself to be angry and incoherently pathetic by lashing back not the fact of whether my friend intentionally hurt me or not.

In the short run...I made amends. I compromised pride a little but I believed pride is a luxury not a necessity( I know some would disagree but we can discuss pride further on future posts,haha). I have had my constant worrying of whether or not I should do this or that, but I did anyway.

Sometimes, our minds tell us to do one thing with our hearts saying no...
Sometimes , our hearts make us feel with our brains uttering never...
That is my concept of push and pull.
A concept that is a dilemma but altruistic too.

The end of the story? Well, still unknown. If we can be friends or not, it's no longer my call.
Life is too short and making amends during my dying seconds, is practically not my choice.

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