Sunday, June 29, 2008

Winners and Losers.

For days now, my husband is bugging me about finding certain game manuals which he obviously needs. I put it off for awhile for I have things to do and yesterday , he again reminded me of it. I gave in and told that I'll find it today. Around 11 am, after lunch, I was more into watching the Pacquiao-Diaz bout than getting through old stuff and asked him if I can find them some other day. Of course, my husband knows that the only answer I'm willing to take is Yes so I was free,hehe. But since I am one who do not really delay things bearing its significance and all- I decided to search for the manuals, after all Manny won and it feels great,hehe.

Back to the searching. As I rummaged through piles and stacks of old papers, I came across one flier- a copy of Sydney Harris' "Winners and Losers" compilation of precepts regarding what differentiates the one from the other and I became totally interested. I mean, everything that was written absolutely makes sense- not just one but lots of them and reading made me I a winner or a loser?

To give you guys a preview of what 'winners and losers' is all about, I've decided to impart some of it here, through my blog; I want to feature at least one or two and discuss it a little bit, for in finding my capacity as a winner (or loser), I wanted to associate actual life learnings and tell really if I have been a winner? a loser? or in most part...both?

Here's the first one:

"A winner makes commitments;
a loser makes promises."

Commitment. It is really a big word. Come to think of it- many find it hard to commit for it means time and effort and total honesty. At certain things in our lives, we want to think we've committed enough; said the right things; wanted the right job; made use of our potential, etc. But the truth is- we barely know if what we've committed ourselves into were really worth-committing after all. That there is really no guarantee that our time, effort or honesty would take us far. What we know is that- we're committing for there is this rational thinking and subconscious feeling that a thing could have brought us all the favor. And we often go for it. We think we've decided rightly and committed either to a person, a career, a relationship, etc. for we felt we should. There's this invisible line we crossed leaving all inhibitions and second thoughts. In a sense, we are winners...for we never got afraid to try and risk. We finally accepted the uncertain and made it a certainty on our own taking. That commitment.

Promises. Uhhhmmmm...lots of thinking here,hehe. Well, I've made promises like you guys did but admittedly promises are mindfully big but heavily broken. Based on experience, promises are like bad gourmet food, very pleasing to the eyes but leaves a bad taste in one's mouth,hehe. I could go on and ramble about how promises are made and most of the time not kept, however, I think instead of giving promises, it's better to say no. Others may find it difficult or displeasing but it's far good to be frank and brutally honest than made a person feel and think you can be one reliable person. For in the end, you'll be hurting someone else and yourself. In the long run, your reputation precedes you and if you'll be labeled as the sweet-tongued, flamboyant jerk or poisonous vixen...then getting it off your back means a hell of hard work. I'd rather be perceived as the cold, lonely spinster (not! hehe) if it's really least you're consistent,haha. Kidding aside, I mean, say no when you have's one tricky world out there so you gotta gain your ground and be true. It matters really. It is your conviction that will save you from a lot of trouble. You may not know where I'm coming from, believe me. You gotta know when to say yes or no.

Winning in life doesn't mean we can't afford to fail for at most, we're winning at times when we do. We learn the hard way and each time we find our backs hard-pressed onto the wall...that's when we realize how commitment means winning in failures. It pays to commit and fall than promise and fall a couple of times more.

Think about it. :)

Thursday, June 26, 2008

What I ask in my prayers?

As a young girl, I often regard prayers as my passageway to heaven's gate; it is the only key to having a talk with God; a direct line of conversation. I feel that it doesn't really matter whether or not prayers are heard or ignored, for I feel and believe God has his own means of knowing our heart's whispers just even before we utter them. It's a formality of sort.

I also thought of prayers as my way of conversing with a imaginary one at that. Every time I feel scared or lost, I pray. Each day, when I have within untold wishes even secret keepings, I pray. My life is synonymous with prayers like one silver lining. It is my well of well of dreams.

In my early teens up till my late twenty's , I seem to pray for survival. My challenges then were insurmountable that my premier haven would be the church (in Baclaran). Whenever I feel weak and depressed; happy and blessed, I pray and render my heartfelt thanks. To me, my prayers relieve me of unpleasantness, thus, giving me the faith that whatever I am facing has it's meted end.

Nowadays, I pray not for my needs but for my husband, family and friends. I pray for their good health and fortune. I pray for their blessings and personal retribution. Anyone who had graced my life, affected me big or small, I pray for them...yes, even former friends, I still do. It was never an act of hypocrisy whatsoever for everyone must be blessed no matter what. I never wanted anyone to feel he has little or less in life. And if my prayers, even for the tiniest bit it could provide, I hope it would help. I will gladly pray for them as I feel for them too and are still important.

Prayers are powerful in a sense that it provides hope.
It gives us this feeling of belongingness...realizing that you are never alone.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Calculated Risk.

Is there such a thing as calculated risk? For someone who is a pessimist and a non-risk taker, there isn't. But for someone who believes in taking steps with caution, there is.

I am the former and my husband is the latter (to a certain degree, I must say). We never really argued over it for we both believe in one thing- change. We know that in our eight year together, we are facing issues known to ourselves which need much resolving. We want to discuss how these changes can take effect and affect our lives long-term.

Last night...Mark and I... we're again having difficulty sleeping. All because we are somewhat thinking of taking steps towards a major change. I can't really point out details for they were personal, however, what matters is that we are talking, talking and talking. And last but definitely not the least, we are listening.

The bottom line? We are thinking of each one's welfare and happiness. That such cannot be gained alone; that in us talking things over means open-mindedness and resolution.

I want him to be happy.
He wants me to be happy,too.
I want him to succeed.
And he wants me to achieve something for myself,too.

As long as we know we have each other...with or without affluence...a risk is one we're willing to take to calculate not the numbers but the years we would experience together.


Thursday, June 19, 2008

Time well-spent .

"Time is too slow, for those who wait,
Too swift, for those who fear,
Too long, for those who grieve,
Too short, for those who rejoice...
But for those who LOVE...Time is eternity."

Have you ever wondered how you spend your time each day? Have you ever asked yourself how come time leaves us easily at moments when we want people and events to stay? It seems that time is neither a friend nor foe...for those who want it in their own terms.

It's no puzzle to those who knew me how I'd been as a stay-at-home wife for years. Many have expressed their surprise learning how I decided to remain at home, not working considering how competitive I was in school back then. Some have even commented that they never really expected me to be just at home and not pursuing a career. And most of the time, I am wondering did I really make the rightest decision for myself?

I must say it filled a cup if not a pitcher of bluish pressure. I started to question myself and my decisions. I even wanted to take a job just for the sake of having one unknowingly pressuring myself even more. I'm not putting a blame onto someone else's back but hearing comments make me somewhat vulnerable and for a time I have to discern my life in general in the most realistic and practical way possible.

It took a toll on me one time and I was more indecisive than before. My husband felt it too and he comforted me in ways he could ever knew. He often gives me assurance saying that he appreciates the littlest thing I do on his behalf; that his life would be a mess if I won't be there managing things around; that I am doing so many people a favor by sharing a part of me each day, extending my help to them unselfishly, that his life would not be that easy and wonderful if not for the little things I do for him. That part caught me, how sweet of him really.

But that was a year ago...when I realized my passion once more, I began to feel life breathing upon me. All this time, I am seeking for something that others imposed on me rather than finding something that would really inspire me. In my previous posts, I am elated each time I reveal my writing; the ways of I discovered this gift as well as relating experiences coupled with both anxiety and excitement. It was a process towards re discovery and affirmation. It was a moment of bringing the very inspiration I seek all along. It felt as if I'm a whole new person!

If not for my indecision, I would have never really wanted change. I could have faltered thinking I made time useless but in so doing, I knew of my other blessings. I should have never regarded time and thought of it as one expense. My life...our life is worth each minute or second. Whatever gives you joy or peace, be content with it. No matter how big or pays to see beyond faces and places or ordinary things. For life is time well-spent with all the love taking its place.

I recall waiting for that moment and time graces so slow,
I remember being afraid of uselessness and time bent too low,
I made tears known and it flowed too long,
Love waved at me and made me strong.

Happy Reading!!!

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

love thoughts...

"The most interesting thing about heart transplants is that one completely loses his own heart and be replaced with someone else's yet still has the feelings for the same person he/she loves...this proves that love works in the minds of people and not in their hearts. Bottom line is that love is a state of'll learn how to forget only if you try doing so."

-Dr. Burke (Grey's Anatomy)

When a person loves, it's as if nothing ends. When a person falls deeply, he thinks of love as one fairy tale which ends so beautifully. The thing is we love and need to face the truth of rejection, anger and pain.

Read the words and you'll find it easy somehow to accept that moving on is personal too...just like love is.



I have just updated my 'mybloglog' at yahoo. Undergoing MyBlogLog Verification

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Opposites do attract...

This coming August, my husband and I will be celebrating our 8th year anniversary. We have been together for almost 11 years and after some grueling petty fights and enormous differences...we have survived gladly.

We have common friends. We also have a set of different friends, exclusive to each one's circle. We have managed to talk things out and sometimes fight it out like there's no tomorrow. Still, when things get ugly...either one gives in or settle for adjustments more so compromises. That's the thing about relationships, you need to believe in it even though outside forces deny you of it. You need to work things out even if you feel no hope exists for the truth is- there is. Always.

Opposites do attract. I attest to that like a priest in one glorious wedding. Mark is very optimistic and practical and I'm the opposite. I am sentimental and he is always cool and reserved. I am very organized with things while he acts like a slob (oooops...I love you!!!!). I'm interested in literature and he's into business; I'm the writer and he's the reader, of car magazines,etc. We never really shared an interest except for food and movies. We love hanging out together and chat before going to bed. And honestly, that's what I love about him,too. He is not just my husband for he is also my friend. We started out as friends and we are still...

Each time I'm asked by college friends, how come I chose him? I always say to them it' s because Mark is the only who can handle all of me. At times, when I feel that I'm losing control or in deepest pain, he is there unexpectedly. He knows when to give me a piece of his mind and heart to calm me down or lessen my burden. He gives me space and more importantly...he knows when to give up the oars and leave all else to me when I asked him to.

It has been a process, believe me. Seven years of seclusion is no joke and neither are repressed feelings. If there is one thing that I learned this year was to finally tell my heart out and make him understand what is it I want and how I want it. Mark became protective of me and I thought he's pulling me down... but eventually I found out that everything he has done is for my own good. And from that moment on...I am thankful for he is the one I wed and chose for a husband.

Whenever I hear couples saying- a partner in life is a lifetime friend, it's absolutely true. In the beginning, your love is overwhelmed by youthful passion and intensity that being together seems like eternity. However, when both of you matures in time and everything else around you changes, your husband or wife for that matter should not just be a partner but a friend. You got to have someone who can be with you and accept you when no one else can. You got to see his world and make him see yours. You have to tell him your limits and make him set his. It does not mean owning his mistakes or allowing's making him learn the mistakes the way you learn yours. It's communicating beyond yourself and seeing your loved-one as a part of yourself.

For a brief period...I forgot it all and got confused. But at the end of the day...when I thought I'm alone...there is Mark...keeping his presence still.

If Mark and I were like the twin resolute desks from the national treasure movie, he could be in Europe and me in Washington. There could be puzzles and parts unknown or clues disfigured.... but there is no twin that leaves the other for good...

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Curiosity kills the cat...

I am one impulsive person. I react in an instant...cannot really contain my emotions to the point of facing adversity head on. I have no qualms when it comes to expressing what I really feel or else I'll be like one sleepy giant volcano, building up steam just to hurl it against who and whatever. Yes, I know that I have to practice a little self-control's hard. Again, if this petite body turns into some cuddly pet with cute almond eyes and whiskers in it...I am certainly one dead cat. And mind you- it's not just about curiosity but the impatience, mood swings, etc.

Honestly, I am not that bad,hehe. I couldn't hold my temper at times yet I definitely know when to stop. I could be very forgiving too. But timing holds the key to that inner fortress of silence and cold treatment( ask my husband, he knows for sure,haha).

As of this writing, I'm in sort of a dilemma. The last project I had was due last Saturday and after that...I'm itching to write again. I cannot bear the thought of letting this week pass without substantial work that I decided to hover across sites and references to find simply anything. This is a dimmer truth behind my so-called job- for all you know, you find yourself jobless in a week or so. Oh, My! Do I need to say bye-bye to those lovely pair of Ked's I'd seen two weeks ago? Tsk...tsk...tsk...what a waste.Thanks to my husband...he understands.(a million kisses to you,hehe).

Anyways, this piece is entitled- 'curiosity kills the cat' because I feel that lately, I have been either too mindful if not mindfully careless when it comes to my action and reactions and reactions again,hehe. It's like when I needed something done, I'm always in a hurry that's why I overlook some details and need to go back after doing some re-tracing( which means lots of work,too). In the end, I am filled with anxiety or worry for instead of doing what should be done, I end up doing what I think must be done, according to my preferences and all. The forgotten details will later pile up till they become noticeable. And to think...I...being overly cautious and meticulous towards work cannot apply it rigorously to practicality and that's where real hurt begins.

Now, my practice patience a little bit more; make my work ethic translate the same thing towards my 'real' life and end up not being too curious or impatient...both for things known and unknown. Which means, a deduction from a number of poor cat souls whose bodies sprawled lifeless on street floors. Am I being too graphic now? Sorry, no harm meant at all.

Happy Reading!!! ( can't believe I typed that,hehe)

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Welcome back, Nina!!!

Remember when I said how I'd been with friends for so long? How I try to keep the friendship through the years? Well, let me introduce you to one of them, a very good friend when I was still in grade school and would like to think we are still now.

Whenever I relate stories of my childhood, I cannot help but think of my good old elementary days. Honestly, I had fun in school. There, I met so many wonderful people and it relieves me to think that time has not changed them, most of them still remain as honest, sincere and fun-loving. You can obviously take away the innocence but some of the childish bruhaha somehow stays, when we're together,hehe.

Let me take you to one of the memories I have about this friend...
We became close only time knows when, and taken part in various contests when we're still studying. Crescinia or Nina to her friends, was one of the most hardworking students I know and excels in class always. We both are competitors that time but what makes our friendship seemingly perfect was the fact that we can get rid of our game on faces and be like children when we're supposed to. I also remember how we visit each other's homes after school or weekends, we play the infamous Chinese garter or jump rope, also hopscotch and hide and seek. Name it and certainly we played it,hehe. One of the things Nina did for me that I can't forget was when I got sick one time. I recall needing a copy of prayer/verses and she did give me one, patiently handwritten and delivered on time. I must say, that us being close, made us see each other behind all the books and tedious assignments or competitions. What's great is that- we never really regard each other as antagonists or mere counterparts. We are friends, that's all. No matters remain unsaid or bad secrets kept. Back then,we look for each ones' strengths and support each one's weaknesses like best friends do. Of course, we have other buddies outside 'our circle',that due to the truth that Nina is really a good soul. There's no mean bone in her body, I can say that with all sincerity. The more reason why I feel blessed to have known her not later but sooner.

When I first hand out a message to her online, I was glad for she remembers our good old days. We exchanged ideas, shared personal things and made revelations along the way. Now, she is back and I am so happy. At a time we lost touch and had no idea of each other's whereabouts, one could easily say it's one friendship down the drain. But as others used to say- There are no things lost that can't be found again.

Welcome back!!! nice to have you here.

Friday, June 6, 2008


"A person should get to have a whole life."- from Allison of Private Practice

The thing I love about foreign TV shows is that they can show you powerful emotions without creating too much drama; a scene can move you to tears without necessarily overdoing everything and the bottom line get to see...appreciate...learn aspects in life thus making you think.

For those who never really know 'Private Practice"- it's about a story of a medical practitioner who decided to start anew in a place without life constantly whispering her past. It is actually a take off from another TV show, Grey's Anatomy but instead focuses more on Allison( the ex of Meredith Grey's Mc dreamy,hehe). Well, so much for that I think.

Now, let's go to the serious but enlightening part, of what my post is really about.
A person should get to have a whole life...what does this mean? The line stayed in my mind really simply because I also believe in making the most of what you have, in making things happen, in taking risks and grabbing chances if not chasing dreams. I was a firm believer of said things not till I decided to leave all else behind due to fear of what could have been. A mistake...I must say.

Each of us has a life to live. We are presented with options and given opportunities. At some point, we struggle to define what's out there for us. What do we really want in life? And setting priorities highly become hindrances or bumps in fulfilling our purpose in life.

What I'm trying to say is this- we have a life that's meant to be lived. A person must be able to see himself growing and stepping out of his shell to make things really happen. It's not about perfection or not committing mistakes. In fact, it's about learning how to make mistakes. Do not think of standards or the whys or hows, think of your life as a stone waiting to be turned.

Let me give you an example...if someone asks you, "what will you do if you only have 24 hours to live? Answers would come in different forms, sizes and shapes, of course. Some would say they'll take the nearest flight and go some place else, others would claim spending valuable minutes with those who matter to them the most, while some would just continue with what they're doing and treat it no differently, just like any other day. Those are answers from people who prioritize base on what they feel suits their life best. It's not about pleasing others or delaying the grudge but being yourself. You can get to have a whole life if you know where you stand now and how will you move from there. You can get to live life if you think less of ideals and think more of realities. Of course, life is a launching pad of anything, everything and you can expect all things possible to happen. But as always, do not be afraid to swim even though you can't for in life, mistakes can serve as your biggest blessings.

Hope that I made you think,hehe.
Happy Reading!!!
Ciao :)

Sunday, June 1, 2008

How Do I Treat My Writing Projects

Hello! I know, It's been in. I have not been able to update my personal blog for I have been working on several assignments now, no time left to do it. But I'm very glad for I don't have to think of procrastination or doing unnecessary stuff to keep me busy. I have plenty on my plate to deal with and I'm practically happy :).

So let's go back now to my writing...well, It's a passion, an undying interest that I know will haunt me for the rest of my days (do I sound too spooky,hehe). What I meant was, I abandoned it for some period in my past and every now and then, it seems so strange thinking how a voice keeps on telling me that writing will do me good and I will never go wrong with it (despite the criticisms, rejections, etc.) I guess, each of us knows what we're born to do, sort of, it's just a matter of giving in to it in the process.

Right now, I'm excited to inform you, family and friends, included that I finally realized how my writing serves me well, if not serves me best. I landed this project, my first that actually pays good money, and along the way I've experienced how hard yet satisfying my writing could be. The thing about freelancing is- you never knew how many projects would come your way; what kind of clients you're gonna deal with even the frustrations behind getting payments. What initiated me to pursue this, I must say, isn't financial at all. Believe me- I may be the kind who splurge on certain things like shoes or clothes (who doesn't? I'm a girl for God's sake,hehe) but when it comes to writing, I could be a little naive, dumb, easily-taken advantage other words- I am willing to take the downside, embrace it wholeheartedly just for the sake of my first love. To me, as long as I can write, can share a bit of myself in whatever form be it through the profiles, essays,etc. I am totally happy. Yeah, you could comment that being kinda shallow but I don't care at all. That's truth of being me.

So, how do I treat my projects? Simply, I treat them as my own. Even though, there were some which leave you with no bylines at all, I still treat them special. I never settle for less. I wanted each written piece to have a personality in itself. A part of it must give me the gratifying smile after I re read it or there should lines/sentences in it which I would die of reading over and over- meaning...words which define myself as a writer, a patent through words, that's what I call it.
This may leave some of you wondering- what the heck is she thinking? Is she for real? I maybe wrong but I decided to say these since a close friend once said, "My God, Jinks! you're one of a kind, me amats ka minsan(in english? I could be on the verge of being sane or insane for I treat my projects like true-blooded children).

To justify it, it's no different with guys who value their toys/cars; girls who drool over expensive shoes/bags; a child craving for chicken or pizza; or moms wanting dads to come up with a surprise. Simply,it's finding your greatest joy in things you know you can do; knowing by heart that even if someone else's deems better, you take pride in believing that you and your work is something you created with forbearance and virtue. It's your work of art...your valued possession. But in it also comes the faith that whatever you delivered best is a feat bigger than yourself, for your gift comes from a higher power who appreciates you returning the glory. It's something I dare not to forget.

Do your best in everything you do...
For yourself, others and God's too...
For life is about exploring and searching, it's about letting your real self shine through.

Happy Reading! till next time!
Ciao!!! :)