This coming August, my husband and I will be celebrating our 8th year anniversary. We have been together for almost 11 years and after some grueling petty fights and enormous differences...we have survived gladly.
We have common friends. We also have a set of different friends, exclusive to each one's circle. We have managed to talk things out and sometimes fight it out like there's no tomorrow. Still, when things get ugly...either one gives in or settle for adjustments more so compromises. That's the thing about relationships, you need to believe in it even though outside forces deny you of it. You need to work things out even if you feel no hope exists for the truth is- there is. Always.
Opposites do attract. I attest to that like a priest in one glorious wedding. Mark is very optimistic and practical and I'm the opposite. I am sentimental and he is always cool and reserved. I am very organized with things while he acts like a slob (oooops...I love you!!!!). I'm interested in literature and he's into business; I'm the writer and he's the reader, of car magazines,etc. We never really shared an interest except for food and movies. We love hanging out together and chat before going to bed. And honestly, that's what I love about him,too. He is not just my husband for he is also my friend. We started out as friends and we are still...
Each time I'm asked by college friends, how come I chose him? I always say to them it' s because Mark is the only who can handle all of me. At times, when I feel that I'm losing control or in deepest pain, he is there unexpectedly. He knows when to give me a piece of his mind and heart to calm me down or lessen my burden. He gives me space and more importantly...he knows when to give up the oars and leave all else to me when I asked him to.
It has been a process, believe me. Seven years of seclusion is no joke and neither are repressed feelings. If there is one thing that I learned this year was to finally tell my heart out and make him understand what is it I want and how I want it. Mark became protective of me and I thought he's pulling me down... but eventually I found out that everything he has done is for my own good. And from that moment on...I am thankful for he is the one I wed and chose for a husband.
Whenever I hear couples saying- a partner in life is a lifetime friend, it's absolutely true. In the beginning, your love is overwhelmed by youthful passion and intensity that being together seems like eternity. However, when both of you matures in time and everything else around you changes, your husband or wife for that matter should not just be a partner but a friend. You got to have someone who can be with you and accept you when no one else can. You got to see his world and make him see yours. You have to tell him your limits and make him set his. It does not mean owning his mistakes or allowing them...it's making him learn the mistakes the way you learn yours. It's communicating beyond yourself and seeing your loved-one as a part of yourself.
For a brief period...I forgot it all and got confused. But at the end of the day...when I thought I'm alone...there is Mark...keeping his presence still.
If Mark and I were like the twin resolute desks from the national treasure movie, he could be in Europe and me in Washington. There could be puzzles and parts unknown or clues disfigured.... but there is no twin that leaves the other for good...