The thing about my birthday :)

I've been hibernating for quite some time now,hehe. I have lots of work to do and don't get me wrong, I am definitely not complaining. It's just that I never got to realize how time passes that fast, it's like looking straight into something that suddenly disappears, whew!!!

Anyway, I've decided to post my entry on this very special date....my birthday :)
Let me start with the 'good and best things'

1. I had a new set of project to work on.
2. I am continually enjoying my job.
3. I am spending this day with my hubby, Mark :)
4. I will skip writing just for a day to give time to myself.
5. I will make sure to finish all my tasks come weekend.

I know, this list is very work-oriented, kind of personal too but it only shows how I value my work as a writer. For those who knew me well enough, they would either think of me as a workaholic or as an addict,hehe. Meaning, I tend to forget things due to my writing. But for those who claim that they knew me well enough...well, no comment :)

To be honest, I am a very simple person with very simple needs. I take joy in everything that makes me happy, even through the simplest of ways. Whenever I learn of a friend's success, I take pride in their achievements. Whenever I learn of their mistakes, I tend not to judge but instead learn.

I have so many things to be thankful for. In fact, if I'm about to list every detail, it would take me basically a lifetime. My life is so imperfect that I find its hidden perfections; how it completes me in the process and how I end up being who I am now.

I have my share of mistakes...many of them in fact. Some of which bear scars that would never heal or leave my mind. However, God has taught me one thing and that is how to redeem myself through soft-spoken words. How I need to re evaluate things if necessary and apply what is meant for each.

I love my husband, his affectionate ways, his trust....
I love my mother, despite her weaknesses and our trials...
I love my relatives, my aunts, for I see a part of me in them...
I love my friends, for through them, I seek support and advice.

Each of them makes me who I am as a grand daughter, daughter, niece, sister, friend, and wife.
They are like my multi-colored bubbles, which spring out of nowhere, adding zest and spice in my life.

The thing about my birthday is...I get a year older but with an upper hand :)

Random Things...

I took the idea from my cousin Lalaine after reading her post in Facebook. I got inspired and thought, "what exactly are the things I consider random?" In her post, she took the liberty to list around 25 random things. It involved petty to the most substantive; simple to the most peculiar. Nevertheless, I find it enjoyable to read.

So, here's my take on the list of 'random things.'

1. Finding myself praying during seemingly-odd moments. Like I get to do it while I lie in my bed subconsciously waiting to fall asleep; I also do it every time I find myself waking up.
2. I love having my coffee this way- 1 tsp. of instant coffee, 1 1/2 tsps. of sugar. That's it. If I feel like being healthy, I add a half teaspoon of milk.
3. Doing my hair and dabbing some powder before facing my PC.
4. Putting a glass of water in front of me, without necessarily drinking it..let's say I just love having it there :)
5. Arranging my fave pillows according to size, color, etc.
6. Placing my fave book in front with the others occupying the secluded part of the shelf.
7. Can't leave my house with the gate and door keys. It has a separate compartment in my bag...always.
8. I'm a bit OC (obsessive-compulsive), so I make sure that my things are arranged properly. If someone makes a fuss or tries to displace things, I can automatically know. It's like my second nature, hehe.
9. I heard there are those who can wear their fave jeans twice, but with me...it can never be the case. If I wear it the first time, then it meets the laundry basket right away.
10. I am more of a routine-loving person, so if ever there is someone/something that disrupts it with no prior notice....I get pissed off.
11. Tuesdays with Mark. That is the only day that I get to spend quality time with my hubby. Meaning-no work, no other commitments. It's a must! I know that when Tuesdays come, there is simply no other important person than him :)
12. Cleaning my room every two days. That is thoroughly...
13. This one started as an acquired habit. Taking a deep breath if I feel depressed or if someone accidentally hit a nerve...but the catch is- I never get to practice this on #8. (It takes awhile though,hehe).

If you feel like writing your own 'random things' list, why not start now. Who knows, you might find a number of surprising things about yourself.

Happy Reading!

Love thoughts Part 2

"Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope and to endure whatever comes."

Just imagine if we can love fully if not live up to these standards. Most of the time, we are blinded by the emotions we use and feel. We love because of many reasons, some of which bear logic, most of which clueless. We are like souls in constant search of affirmation or love itself.

Yes, people tend to love because of need. The kind of wanting which serves their ego well. If for some reason, this person leaves us wanting for change, then maybe it is not such a bad thing. But when such need turns into selfishness, egos are fed with nothing but false hopes instead.

Is it really hard to love truly? Do we need to love and eventually lose before realizing our mistakes? But what does one need to do in order to love successfully? I guess, the answer lies in our hearts more than our heads.

What makes us selfish is our capacity to react selfishly. We own love the wrong way. We tend to think that the other person is the only one we need when in fact, it can't be the case. We love because we feel it, we love because we know we're giving a part of ourselves. Come to think of it, it was unselfishness bringing two hearts together.

Love needs not to be right or wrong unless you decide which is which. It is always right even though others see nothing of it. It just becomes wrong when we heed to desires and questionable yearnings. Our choices define the way we live as people and it is still our choices that define love along the way. For the truth is-love is something that our hearts see with eyes closed...never open.

Our love may not be perfect...it may not be ideal in itself. But what makes love greater is our ability to choose and feel what must be felt. Of course, we can never just succeed by choosing the ones we love, as such brings nothing to a certain extent. For choices only become truths unfolding once you see respect and understanding.

Love is a great feeling, no doubt. But once you let this feeling overwhelm you, nothing will ever be the same. You will be like one fish out of water. You will be like a spirit blown away by steams of urge and not pure air.

I am not saying that all loves are not bound for greatness. I am saying that love and its depth remains a mystery always. We can always choose but options provide no guarantees. The only workable thing is to risk and hope for something better.

I am in love with this person not because I need him but because I see him changing me.

I am in love with my husband not because he provides well but because he provides me with something more than wealth...he makes me see my own value over and over.

I am in love with him not because he feeds my ego, in fact he puts me rightly in place. He did whatever is necessary to protect me. And even if I refuse to see it myself, he patiently waited.

There was a moment when I felt ours was a love wasted...but his heart refuses to give in. At times when he feels how estranged I'd been...he made me see reasons why it should not be.

I am in love with him for he understands and owns up to his wrongdoings. He is indeed a better man realizing his own strengths...admitting his weaknesses.

I am in love with him for in his eyes, I see how he sees me...

We have been the worst of enemies and became the best of friends. We made mistakes...we have been tested...but love kept us and never failed.

It's 2009 Everyone!!!

It's a wonderful feeling, starting a new year. We can finally bid those grotesque moments good bye and move forward. As for what I did last new year's eve, would you believe that I have to work? Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining, besides who would have wanted to start their year frowning?

I have a list of things to do this first quarter of 2009. I must remind myself to stick to my pre-conceived plans and get each done accordingly. I have missed a lot of gatherings, and mini-reunions due to lack of free time and I know that sooner I have to make up for them.

I miss my family and relatives in Bulacan and Laguna. I wanted to pay each of them a visit but somehow my inability to do so cripples me to death. Meaning, self-imposed guilt.

I wanted to go some place and spend a long, uninterrupted vacation with Mark...just the two of us...have quality time and enjoy further.

I want to start my essay, some piece of work that's been untouched for months now since I started accepting online work. I need to finish it by end of February and pass it before deadline.

I want to see my god children...the ones who left abroad or the ones who have no free time to visit me either. People nowadays need to remind themselves to unwind a little, be free and grow a bit bolder, don't you think?

I want to give my husband a seemingly-perfect gift. For in truth, the last time I gave him one was November, during his birthday. You know, whenever we buy each other gifts, we basically ask what we like to receive. In such way, less mistakes,hehe. Maybe another toy? A new pair of shoes? An audio equipment? Well, he's the one who is truly indecisive,haha!

As for me...I'm now attuned to the fact that as you grow older, you tend to give than receive. Of course, I still miss those days wherein my aunts give me lots of gifts. From dresses to shoes to bags to everything. It really shames me to think how they had given me their time and effort when I was still an innocent-looking, fragile girl, hehe. That due to my stubbornness, I have not been able to reciprocate appropriately. Gladly, they have asked me to be a god mother to their children or at least some of them and in my own minuscule way, I can somehow return the favor.

With my self-proclaimed dedication to this list, I have felt that I work best under pressure. I need to set a time line. Impose upon myself an ultimatum. Build an itinerary with urgency at all costs.

I want to be specific with my goals. Learn a few tricks. Maximize opportunities. Take on bigger risks.

2009 will be my year and I mean it.

What a year...

My god...a couple of days more and 2008 is over...I can't believe seeing time fleet so fast...like one hurrying wind. I was sure that after this, I will be thinking of writing about something that would make me see my future...with family.

Eventful. This is how I describe my year...so many have happened...some things have gone wasted while some have been readily achieved. I was sure that for the past months, I never really thought that my year would be like this. And now it's as if it just happened yesterday...all turned into mere memories.

First, I started the year re uniting friendships, building old relationships, meeting special friends. Then, I had to endure this terrible pain, agonizing moments like chips off my frame. I was like wallowing behind unknown foes and shadowy lanes. I found myself deciding on matters which would lead me to either past or present. And slowly, I had to find my way in each of them. Full of decisions, surprises and re makes, hehe.

Then there came the survival and acceptance of whatever fate has for me. I decided to continue what would be best for everyone and I had to be firm and strong-minded.

In the end...I realized that regardless of how many adventures or events, I should be ready to fill in the emptiness and have it full with more surprises.

In short...I was taught the biggest lesson and learned.

Oh my!!! I can't even tell how mixed my reactions and emotions were, how lively my days had been, how such had turned from boring to simply carefree...wandering. I never even knew how lucky I was to be here and face the progress, for at some point I felt I'll be dying and will soon be meeting death. Mellow dramatic? Maybe, but that's the only way I got in describing what has been with me this past 2008 and frankly, I am beginning to realize the awe and excitement behind every despair...loss...discouragement.

I can definitely say anything and be with everyone I want but it did not erase the fact that this year, I also spent time with mindful, cold-hearted people. And would you believe how simple things can turn your life around in an instant? Geez, life is incredibly wonderful.

Life is all about love still.

Love on the contrary cannot always be your life. Be smart in choosing who to love.

Trust is power. It can make you see the goodness and once broken, can leave you defenseless.

Getting over and moving forward is a process. It takes time to forget and heal.

Gratitude is something that you must give sincerely. Appreciate whatever life has in store for you...see everything with both eyes open.

God...as always...will never leave you. He will be there at your darkest moment and keep you close once you're in dire need. He will supply with air like one tank in re fill.

Eventful....emotionally riveting...pleasant....energizing.
2009 will be the beginning and culmination of everything I learned and kept...

May God continue blessing us!
Keep the faith!!!
Love and be loved....

Happy holidays!!!!
Cheers and kudos for a fruitful year!!!