Sunday, November 1, 2009

A Graceful Exit

Right now, I feel that major decisions are about to come into play. First, my supposed trip to Palawan is seemingly a start of something new and fresh. Second, my recent 'literary exits' have proven that the only constant thing here in life is change. It's been weeks now since I am feeling a little overwhelmed. At some point, I feel that I am no longer capable to do the things that I'm used to doing. A part of me was inching to get if I am about to face something that is both fearful and exciting.

I've been to certain crossroads before and each I have successfully conquered. There was even a time when I felt nothing or no one can ever harm me...was it wrong invincibility? I guess...
However, I feel that such feeling came from a long history where I have ruled things based on my conviction and faith and it helped me to be stronger.

Right now, I know that I needed some rest. I need to get away. I need to feel that life still has something to offer. I have to be alive and well again.

If in the course of my journey, I have to stop momentarily and give up everything...then I have to follow what my heart asks of me. I have to take some time and breathe. I have to die a little in order to live.

If such journey and yearning wants me to give up writing, at least for a short period then there is nothing to complain about and discern. All I know is that I am not well and I need to find my inner self.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009


There are things in life that give you the slightest hint of doubt,
There are those who fuel that doubt and others who satisfy themselves when you are in doubt.

Forgiveness is stronger when you finally realized that you truly deserve a second chance,
when you are ready to face the world again as if you were a newly-born child.

I have kept wounds open for too long, had tried to remedy the pain as if I am a master of my own conviction. At times, when I failed to see my worth... move on, it is now that I am finally seeing the dawn.

Forgiveness is crucial if you cannot live without it,
Forgiveness is like your own brand of self-healing kit.
With the way things have finally shown itself, you will then see how forgiveness returns.

As for came at a point when I am reading God's message.
It came at a moment when I am no longer weakened by despair.
When I opened my eyes, my heart began to feel better...
When I felt my own touch, it already made me feel that I am finally regaining what was once broken.

Happy Reading! :)


Tuesday, July 21, 2009


Strange is a person who loves for he merely thinks of his emotions and himself...
Strange is the person who fears for he is afraid of something he will eventually meet...
Strange is a person who keeps on dreaming, for in his mind he knew of its failing...
Strange is one who finds others worthy when in truth everyone is not thinking of him.

Love presents a couple of strange ways, with hopes of bringing not a start but mere end,
Love is strange when you feel that the one you love has been lost forever.

Strange can be nice and easy..
It can be hard too and stiff,
But regardless of how strange life can be...we are always willing to suffer and live.

May the glorious past of mankind redeem itself
For in our ways lie the truth of our beings.
We can never be sure of tomorrows nor ends.
But we can be certain of love that is unfolding each minute.

To those who I have loved and shared myself...
I want you to keep a part of my life as well.
For in this journey where life seems too strange,
It is you, my dear friends, who'd let me find myself.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

The thing about my birthday :)

I've been hibernating for quite some time now,hehe. I have lots of work to do and don't get me wrong, I am definitely not complaining. It's just that I never got to realize how time passes that fast, it's like looking straight into something that suddenly disappears, whew!!!

Anyway, I've decided to post my entry on this very special birthday :)
Let me start with the 'good and best things'
  1. I had a new set of project to work on.
  2. I am continually enjoying my job.
  3. I am spending this day with my hubby, Mark :)
  4. I will skip writing just for a day to give time to myself.
  5. I will make sure to finish all my tasks come weekend.
I know, this list is very work-oriented, kind of personal too but it only shows how I value my work as a writer. For those who knew me well enough, they would either think of me as a workaholic or as an addict,hehe. Meaning, I tend to forget things due to my writing. But for those who claim that they knew me well enough...well, no comment :)

To be honest, I am a very simple person with very simple needs. I take joy in everything that makes me happy, even through the simplest of ways. Whenever I learn of a friend's success, I take pride in their achievements. Whenever I learn of their mistakes, I tend not to judge but instead learn.

I have so many things to be thankful for. In fact, if I'm about to list every detail, it would take me basically a lifetime. My life is so imperfect that I find its hidden perfections; how it completes me in the process and how I end up being who I am now.

I have my share of mistakes...many of them in fact. Some of which bear scars that would never heal or leave my mind. However, God has taught me one thing and that is how to redeem myself through soft-spoken words. How I need to re evaluate things if necessary and apply what is meant for each.

I love my husband, his affectionate ways, his trust....
I love my mother, despite her weaknesses and our trials...
I love my relatives, my aunts, for I see a part of me in them...
I love my friends, for through them, I seek support and advice.

Each of them makes me who I am as a grand daughter, daughter, niece, sister, friend, and wife.
They are like my multi-colored bubbles, which spring out of nowhere, adding zest and spice in my life.

The thing about my birthday is...I get a year older but with an upper hand :)

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Random Things...

I took the idea from my cousin Lalaine after reading her post in Facebook. I got inspired and thought, "what exactly are the things I consider random?" In her post, she took the liberty to list around 25 random things. It involved petty to the most substantive; simple to the most peculiar. Nevertheless, I find it enjoyable to read.

So, here's my take on the list of 'random things.'

  1. Finding myself praying during seemingly-odd moments. Like I get to do it while I lie in my bed subconsciously waiting to fall asleep; I also do it every time I find myself waking up.
  2. I love having my coffee this way- 1 tsp. of instant coffee, 1 1/2 tsps. of sugar. That's it. If I feel like being healthy, I add a half teaspoon of milk.
  3. Doing my hair and dabbing some powder before facing my PC.
  4. Putting a glass of water in front of me, without necessarily drinking it..let's say I just love having it there :)
  5. Arranging my fave pillows according to size, color, etc.
  6. Placing my fave book in front with the others occupying the secluded part of the shelf.
  7. Can't leave my house with the gate and door keys. It has a separate compartment in my bag...always.
  8. I'm a bit OC (obsessive-compulsive), so I make sure that my things are arranged properly. If someone makes a fuss or tries to displace things, I can automatically know. It's like my second nature, hehe.
  9. I heard there are those who can wear their fave jeans twice, but with can never be the case. If I wear it the first time, then it meets the laundry basket right away.
  10. I am more of a routine-loving person, so if ever there is someone/something that disrupts it with no prior notice....I get pissed off.
  11. Tuesdays with Mark. That is the only day that I get to spend quality time with my hubby. Meaning-no work, no other commitments. It's a must! I know that when Tuesdays come, there is simply no other important person than him :)
  12. Cleaning my room every two days. That is thoroughly...
  13. This one started as an acquired habit. Taking a deep breath if I feel depressed or if someone accidentally hit a nerve...but the catch is- I never get to practice this on #8. (It takes awhile though,hehe).
If you feel like writing your own 'random things' list, why not start now. Who knows, you might find a number of surprising things about yourself.

Happy Reading!

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Love thoughts Part 2

"Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope and to endure whatever comes."

Just imagine if we can love fully if not live up to these standards. Most of the time, we are blinded by the emotions we use and feel. We love because of many reasons, some of which bear logic, most of which clueless. We are like souls in constant search of affirmation or love itself.

Yes, people tend to love because of need. The kind of wanting which serves their ego well. If for some reason, this person leaves us wanting for change, then maybe it is not such a bad thing. But when such need turns into selfishness, egos are fed with nothing but false hopes instead.

Is it really hard to love truly? Do we need to love and eventually lose before realizing our mistakes? But what does one need to do in order to love successfully? I guess, the answer lies in our hearts more than our heads.

What makes us selfish is our capacity to react selfishly. We own love the wrong way. We tend to think that the other person is the only one we need when in fact, it can't be the case. We love because we feel it, we love because we know we're giving a part of ourselves. Come to think of it, it was unselfishness bringing two hearts together.

Love needs not to be right or wrong unless you decide which is which. It is always right even though others see nothing of it. It just becomes wrong when we heed to desires and questionable yearnings. Our choices define the way we live as people and it is still our choices that define love along the way. For the truth is-love is something that our hearts see with eyes closed...never open.

Our love may not be may not be ideal in itself. But what makes love greater is our ability to choose and feel what must be felt. Of course, we can never just succeed by choosing the ones we love, as such brings nothing to a certain extent. For choices only become truths unfolding once you see respect and understanding.

Love is a great feeling, no doubt. But once you let this feeling overwhelm you, nothing will ever be the same. You will be like one fish out of water. You will be like a spirit blown away by steams of urge and not pure air.

I am not saying that all loves are not bound for greatness. I am saying that love and its depth remains a mystery always. We can always choose but options provide no guarantees. The only workable thing is to risk and hope for something better.

I am in love with this person not because I need him but because I see him changing me.

I am in love with my husband not because he provides well but because he provides me with something more than wealth...he makes me see my own value over and over.

I am in love with him not because he feeds my ego, in fact he puts me rightly in place. He did whatever is necessary to protect me. And even if I refuse to see it myself, he patiently waited.

There was a moment when I felt ours was a love wasted...but his heart refuses to give in. At times when he feels how estranged I'd been...he made me see reasons why it should not be.

I am in love with him for he understands and owns up to his wrongdoings. He is indeed a better man realizing his own strengths...admitting his weaknesses.

I am in love with him for in his eyes, I see how he sees me...

We have been the worst of enemies and became the best of friends. We made mistakes...we have been tested...but love kept us and never failed.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

It's 2009 Everyone!!!

It's a wonderful feeling, starting a new year. We can finally bid those grotesque moments good bye and move forward. As for what I did last new year's eve, would you believe that I have to work? Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining, besides who would have wanted to start their year frowning?

I have a list of things to do this first quarter of 2009. I must remind myself to stick to my pre-conceived plans and get each done accordingly. I have missed a lot of gatherings, and mini-reunions due to lack of free time and I know that sooner I have to make up for them.

I miss my family and relatives in Bulacan and Laguna. I wanted to pay each of them a visit but somehow my inability to do so cripples me to death. Meaning, self-imposed guilt.

I wanted to go some place and spend a long, uninterrupted vacation with Mark...just the two of us...have quality time and enjoy further.

I want to start my essay, some piece of work that's been untouched for months now since I started accepting online work. I need to finish it by end of February and pass it before deadline.

I want to see my god children...the ones who left abroad or the ones who have no free time to visit me either. People nowadays need to remind themselves to unwind a little, be free and grow a bit bolder, don't you think?

I want to give my husband a seemingly-perfect gift. For in truth, the last time I gave him one was November, during his birthday. You know, whenever we buy each other gifts, we basically ask what we like to receive. In such way, less mistakes,hehe. Maybe another toy? A new pair of shoes? An audio equipment? Well, he's the one who is truly indecisive,haha!

As for me...I'm now attuned to the fact that as you grow older, you tend to give than receive. Of course, I still miss those days wherein my aunts give me lots of gifts. From dresses to shoes to bags to everything. It really shames me to think how they had given me their time and effort when I was still an innocent-looking, fragile girl, hehe. That due to my stubbornness, I have not been able to reciprocate appropriately. Gladly, they have asked me to be a god mother to their children or at least some of them and in my own minuscule way, I can somehow return the favor.

With my self-proclaimed dedication to this list, I have felt that I work best under pressure. I need to set a time line. Impose upon myself an ultimatum. Build an itinerary with urgency at all costs.

I want to be specific with my goals. Learn a few tricks. Maximize opportunities. Take on bigger risks.

2009 will be my year and I mean it.