Monday, July 28, 2008

Childhood Dreams

I remember one time, when I was about eight years old, I have always wanted to grow up fast so that I could start somebody and not just stay as this fragile-looking girl who stays up late and just dream.

I remember one time, I told myself that I wanted to be this and that and this again,hehe. So many things I have wanted to achieve as if everything can be done so easily. That is how an eight-year old mind works..full of hope and dreams.

I remember wanting to become a ballerina, a teacher, a secretary even a stewardess....a writer. I recall wishing to become a figure skater or a gymnast or a child singing wonder. It's like when you're feel as if anything is possible; that life is nothing but a playground. So whimsical, joyful, and immensely beautiful. You see things at its best and lightest moment; you appreciate people as if they can never do you wrong; you aspire as if it's the best way to live and you dream as if there's no tomorrow. MY CHILDHOOD DREAMS ARE LIKE MY GREATEST FANTASIES.

23 years later, I found myself simply as someone who holds in her heart these wondrous dreams. I never became a stewardess, gymnast or a ballerina but know what? I feel as if I am still young...full of hope and sharing a life filled with good memories of what I was before. I don't know, maybe life taught me that dreams never stop from becoming could have taken a different path yet still you knew the precious token of aspiring for something new and good if not great. Dreams take shape and become varied along the way, it never stays.

I also promised before how I wanted my kids to fulfill the dreams, my dreams. But then I realized I should not think of passing onto them my secret wishes or greatest fantasies. A child becomes a child at a moment when she feels she can do anything, without having someone or anyone telling her what to do or what to become. I wanted my kids to have their own dreams, childhood dreams. I want them to feel how it's like to think and believe that there is one world out there ready to be explored and experienced. I won't make their dreams for them. I won't let my wishes become theirs. I want them to become someone who knows what it takes to live and be free.

Now, I am doing everything I can to become a writer. I learned business in college and graduated accordingly but dreams are like nightmares you know,hehe. It can haunt you but with a good feel. I still pause whenever I see ballerinas and gymnasts or figure skaters on TV, I still wonder and think of what could have happened if I pursued those instead. But you know what? If I cannot become any of those, it does not mean I can never be someone. I still can. I will. :)

Friday, July 25, 2008

Bitter truth.

There's always the brighter side on things as much as there's the dimmer side. When I hear of people and their love stories, it's either I feel or see myself in them. If a person close to me happens to deal with a heart problem...then seeks my advice, I tend to give answers I myself found amazing. For in saying or giving those words...I am surprised at how I can come up with those things.

Losing oneself (in a relationship) begins when small things go unnoticed. When petty fights and misunderstandings are being ignored simply for convenience. Convenience, in terms of saving each other's time; minding reasons which often mean, "I know your point- so you don't need to say it" kind of thing? Yes, at times, when we want to talk, as in talk, either the other shuts us out or does not really understand but pretends he did.

That's why maybe friends get along better than lovers. It's because in friendship, we make ourselves available; we listen. We open our minds and are willing to give without necessarily taking. When we meet and have known friends...we become ourselves to the point of being brutally honest. We pay attention at the same time, regard each one's welfare. Unlike in a romantic relationship, we seem to give so much...we end up losing both our hearts and heads.

Late last night, upon learning of my dear friend's turmoil, I end up saying this-
"If you're with someone(you deeply love) and still you're confused and unhappy, then something is wrong. If being with him/her means not being true to yourself, then you got to end's hard I know but you've got to ask- Is he the one for you? Sometimes, we're afraid to let go of someone because we love them...but if it means experiencing hurt over and over, why stay? If loving that person meant losing your purpose and happiness, would you wait till you lose yourself?

Love is supposedly's there for a reason that's supposedly right.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

First Aid Kit

We may not know it, but we often think of partners as immediate medicine kits...waiting to open and cure us with gauze pads. As we bleed either in peril or death( in my case, tantrums,hehe) my husband serves as my ultimate band-aid. He knows when to say the rightest words...he knows when to come up with the most encouraging words.

Isn't it good to know that everyday, you'll have a pair of lovely hands to comfort you or slow your senses when its about to take a major dive? In my case- when I go on panic mode.

Isn't it great feeling the warm embrace when all else fail to come? In my case- rejection at work; unfulfilled goals, etc.

It's true that each minute is an escape of both time and love.

Time...when we want to do things for people.
Love...when we want to show and feel affection.

My first-aid kit came to me at a time when my bleeding keeps on non-stop. My first-aid kit came to give me gauze pads of certainty and love when I feel emptiness, no doubt. My first-aid kit came at a moment when breathing seems too hard, he gave me the pills I needed for confidence and will to survive. And that was eight years ago..My! How time drifts fast!

I know that somewhere, there are those who feel the bleeding. Some having their band-aids with them...while others still hanging on, waiting. The bleeding could be mild and scars proved dense, on the other, bleeding could be worse. However, as we seek to find cure and healing, be it through partners, family or friends, what we should never forget is that we can also be our own band-aid...our selves could very well be our own first-aid kit.

Lighten up and cheer up! Lots of reasons to feel happy about life. You may have never seen it yet for you somehow avail of thicker bandages in exchange for swollen egos or broken pride. Live and move on! Life is full of things that never run out. :)

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

My Favorite Movie

If there is one movie that could literally move me to tears, it has got to be “A Walk to Remember”. For some strange reason, the characters have in them the innate substance of real-life romance; it ceases to become the sappy, youthful love story but instead evolves into something that many people longed to have- a real take for one’s unforgettable love. I am indeed a sentimental, emotional individual but the scenes of said movie often reminded me of two young lovers, enabling themselves towards love’s greatness; valuing merely the time and reasons why two people decide to begin a journey, uncertain in itself.

There, we have Jamie, always a social outcast; with her intentions primarily defined by others through bible reading and sharing time with the unpopular kind. She never aimed to seek the approval of others, neither trying to put a mask of pretense to get along but preferred to be herself. Often do we find ourselves in her, at one point in our lives, we have become invisible in somebody else’s eyes, trying to be noticeable enough. How many of us had experienced trying to get along but only to find oneself in oblivion, departing from what truly matters to us as a person? Jamie is a living detail of what life often means- acceptance and self-definition.

Then we have the character of Landon, the typical famous kid in school. He gets along pretty well, did not even struggle but at the height of belongingness sees nothing in terms of direction and future. A free spirit, Landon opts to stay cool in front of friends but was raring to prove something to his father. Some of us could see a part of ourselves in him, too. How we tried to keep up with the face, hiding our innermost thoughts and insecurities.

It has been a usual movie for some but to me, the movie speaks of a love proved beautiful and inspiring all along. How the characters saw each other; the ways in which time and space brought them together; how they struggled in the middle of social differences and intrusion, these had been elements of a natural story that could have meted and told simply but still emotionally-moving and truthful.

My liking for romance and love stories is fairly usual, however, seeing it prompted me to read the book, “A Walk to Remember” by Nicholas Sparks. It has been presented differently and reading between the pages meant another thing for me-a deeper insight as provided by the words, creating features of both past and undying love. Watching the film and reading the book made me see the wonders of falling and really feeling for someone; how it brought you the memories of meeting the very person who will rightfully stay even in passing time. It’s like re telling a story the way a seventeen year old does…feeling the memories as if nothing changed… seeing again the days that will undoubtedly bring you smiles. To those who think of love stories as mere drag, then seeing this is worthlessly dull but to those who think of love as the greatest feeling ever known to man, you may see yourself either crying or relating if not remembering someone. I guess, you have to read or watch it yourself to really understand and for Mandy Moore and Shane West’s fans, the movie would be a delectable visual delight.