tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-59535773237912599292023-06-20T05:18:06.421-07:00jrealm"prose and poetry"jrealmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12986052595215240757noreply@blogger.comBlogger74125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5953577323791259929.post-77266437920762248532012-11-26T00:43:00.000-08:002012-11-26T00:43:48.171-08:00FALLOUT<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
When things are readily served to you hot…you tend to have
the first bite and when you do, it stings. Yesterday, I have found this wanting
to write; to write down the things that bother me for a long while. I tried to
shut everything out…deleted my Tumblr and my former Twitter account but every journey
though seemingly endless, has to end anyhow…not in that end end sort of way but
through a closure that I need. Yes, I need closure in a world that left me
dismayed and demoralized. I am writing for I can no longer bear another day
shutting up. That’s how I am and regardless of the reasons, my true self always
emerges. This is I writing…this is my mind talking…this is me…basking in
reality…not in glorified, re hashed or reused fantasies.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have entered a world others normally called fandom. I have
entered a world where I tried writing stories based on pure curiosity and
imagination. I have enjoyed that world. I made good friends and have known
people. I was simply happy. I knew where I stand, I knew where to go. I am just
happy... <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But if there is one mistake that I committed during the
course of my stay…that would be to overly attach myself. To think that with my
varied thinking and affirmation that I’m getting from others, the world we are
currently occupying is nothing but family…not just an expanse or a simple space
but some world where people understand each other for who they are and what
they can bring. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A few months ago…I was confused by the fact that the
“family” I belonged to was shaken…until some are branded as haters and bashers.
To be honest, it would be easy for me to say- I’m no part of that or I did not
say anything so why include me in the condemnation so to speak? It would be
easy for me to say- persecute the ones who tagged and say bitchy things… but
that…I would never do…I never did… for they are my friends. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In that family, we know for a fact that we are our own
person. We are a group made of individuals; individuals with free will. We
thrive in differences. We learn that we can never be the same and how we do
things will never be the same. Each member has the freedom to express…we laid
no rules, no leaders for in the first place, we are equals sharing a common
passion…a common love. The action of one is his alone and for that, whatever
that person did is his mere responsibility. To the righteous and perfect, this
logic is too irrational that for them, we are doomed. To the righteous and
perfect, being different sucks and since we are, they will never like us unless we start thinking like them. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What really dismayed me the most was the indifference we got
from the perfect and the righteous. Because honestly, when I signed up for
this, I expected no prison. I would like to believe that we are individuals who
are capable to define right from wrong and while definitions of such are
relative, it naturally means that what’s right for you may not be necessarily
right for me too…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Expression is a responsibility and while I tap these keys, I
can only imagine their inner gods and goddesses talking with matching furrowed brows. But
since I am not mentioning names, the perfect and the righteous will think that
they are the perfect and righteous ones and will bicker more. My only message
is this- I left that world for I don’t need those types of people in my
personal space. There is more to life than fandom and to be left alone by their
inner gods/goddesses and inflated egos would be nothing but pleasure. And since
I understand that their inflated egos will gloat, I will no longer
prolong my agony by staying…therefore, leave me alone. And the heck I care to
your inflated egos. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Every journey through a medium called fandom is like dealing
with love and it is like family to me. It was once. In a fandom, you love...you are there for you like them at first then it deepens until you
fall hard. Once your heart has invested too much, you expect, it is
natural….you are human and anyone who says that he or she never expects is a
clear hypocrite who is on his way to inflating his ego and feeding his inner
god. Now, when things start to get tough, when your love has been slowly taken
away, your first instinct is to deny that it is happening. You end up scared
and therefore you tend to do anything possible just to prevent your fear from
happening. Either you channel your fear through words or you are already
satisfied when you slapped someone hard in the face. Defense mechanisms
vary….and not all people have the moolah to enter anger management classes
right away…I am not generally speaking for all…I do not have that inner goddess
you know…I am saying this for this is how I know things and have seen others
being like this… and if you’re unlike me or the others, good for you! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
However, not everyone can be like you….not everyone has the
same emotional system like yours. We are different as people remember. The way
you eat your apple is different from mine, surely, we both bite but still the
edges of our teeth do differ that once we take a bite, the once sweet and
red apple bears different teeth marks. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I do have the liberty to disagree or express if I feel that something is really wrong but since this is I
talking- I will normally rant first, channel my annoyance to the wicked person
in my list who happens to be involved and then afterwards slow down. Yes, I am not
perfect; don’t expect me to be one. But still, I will not deliberately attack
one in my supposed family…I will not deliberately be proud and make him feel
that he may be family but in my book, he is like my not-so-loved adopted
brother. <i>Naramdaman ko yun sa fandom na pinili ko</i>. I felt it for people close to me felt it too. Sad but true. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I usually get remarks for being proper and nice with
words…and yes, each time I do, I am quite surprised. <i>Di ako mabait sa taong di mabait.</i> That is my simplest rule in life.
I have no plans of snatching the spotlight from Rizal in Luneta. I am no
martyr. Don’t expect me to sit down and glorify the righteous’ words like it
was the only meal I have in my lifetime. Never. For the righteous is not always right. For all you know, your inner god/goddess and inflated ego may be just an illusion or a bubble you created; some bubble made of self-inflicted right. So….where is this non-sense
typing leads me? To nothing but my own closure…no one else…and if it happens
that others happen to figure some sense, then that would be a bonus.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I started with fire and so much passion which is why I can’t
readily fathom why I fell out of love. I was hurt, yes. I was not liked, yes.
But it is not about the hurt really…it is about how my faith has been crushed…
And my human heart can only bear that much. I am no superhero…I am just a fan
fiction writer who tried…and it is not about my faith in the fandom…it is about
my faith in myself…for when indifference became too tough…I started questioning
why I was there…and that is one question that I cannot just undermine. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I had fallouts….and each fallout was excruciating…it feels
like your spirit has been taken away from you in a snap. For when you start
asking questions…when you begin to doubt…there is something wrong. For a love
has to be given without any doubt. Love has to be present without any form of
questioning…for that is how I am as a “lover”…that is how I love. And since I
am no longer capable of loving that way…I know that I can never love the same
way and I have to let go.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
jrealmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12986052595215240757noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5953577323791259929.post-71297664551313438992012-11-12T22:50:00.001-08:002012-11-12T22:50:30.504-08:00<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>“Free to Love Me”
(Prologue)<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve been working as a writer for this magazine and yes,
this is my dream job. My mom often tells me to follow my heart and while my dad
wants me to pursue business, I declined. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The heart works mechanically at some point, as if trying to
tell you what to love…and for me, I, pursuing Marketing in college, mean following
my so called “mechanical heart,” for in reality, I am in love with writing, I
breathe it and live through words. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Love…relationships…how
to find the perfect boyfriend?<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I furrowed my brows, as if minding what to type next. I need
this. I have to do well with this article or else I’m done. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>One caramel macchiato
for Julie!<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Okay, that’s mine. I stood up and went for the counter. She
smiled. I smiled. And as she handed me my caffeine fix, I walked towards my
seat, carefully laid the cup on the table and occupied my permanence. Amidst
the chatter and what not, behind every unknown face, I am here. In this
secluded nook here inside this little coffee shop. Drinking macchiato. Typing
my next article. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And as I try to think of the proper words. As I try to see
the perfect synopsis to my next project. I am eyeing this- LOVE. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yeah, right, Jules, you typed it right. L-O-V-E. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Really now, love? How do I see love knowing that I do not know
it by heart? Surely, I have family. I have my own circle of gal pals but
romantic love…I am no expert. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am in front of my lappy now…I looked up and saw this
handsome face eyeing me. I tried not to look distracted, “Oh really Jules, but
you are.” Yup, normally, this second voice is bugging me but sitting it out
here in this small coffee shop, I don’t mind any company. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I forced a soft smile and I noticed him smirk. Hmmm…he looks
good, I must say. His family may have good genes, haha, oh shoot, what I am
thinking but still…pwede…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I straightened myself trying to look dignified by typing
away. And in the process I ended typing these words:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Struggling writer. A good-looking boy in front me. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Topic in mind? Love. But I am part of the club known as
NBSB. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I then stopped writing and shifted my gaze from these words
towards that lovely distraction as I peer over my glasses. He kept his gaze. I
looked down and then an idea hovered, presented itself. And before I knew it, I
stood up and approached him.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Shet, lalapit nga ata.
Ikaw kasi, hilig mong tumingin but she’s cute. Yan na nga….okay Den, diyan ka
lang, act cool and composed. <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She walked towards me and instantly, I noticed her uhm legs.
I’m no perv but dang, ang kinis. She looks smart too judging by the specs. Another
weakness. A pretty lass in glasses. Nice. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Hi!</i> She said while
gesturing for a handshake. Whoah, not only cute and pretty, she has guts, I
told myself. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Hi!</i> And I held my
hand to meet hers. Really Alden, yan lang ang kaya mong sabihin. Tsk, tsk.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Do you mind if I join
you?</i> She continued, I smiled and nodded. The next thing I knew, she went
back to her table, grabbed her things and occupied the seat before me. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As I watch her carefully…as she laid her things on our table
and rummaged inside her bag, napaisip ako, di kaya ahente to? But still, I can
listen to what she has to say. A few minutes with a pretty girl in glasses
won’t hurt. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Hi, I’m Julie and you
are?<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>I’m Alden.</i> <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Alden, hmmm, nice
name. I know you may find this odd but, I noticed you earlier and you were
checking me out. <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I can’t help but burst out a laugh. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Hahaha, sorry, did it
bother you? <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Hmm…not really. But
since you may have the hots for me, I wanted to talk to you.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Whoah…ibang klase, she speaks with ease and confidence.
Kakaiba. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I ended up flashing a smile, <i>“So, what if I am?”</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She kept her gaze and looked at me. Judging by her looks, I
don’t think she’s a flirt. Straightforward maybe but not a flirt. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She then continued,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Good. Coz honestly, I
need something from you. <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I found myself furrowing my brows. This is getting too
interesting…buti na lang mabait ako. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Julie…Julie, right? I
won’t deny that I’m looking at you earlier but aren’t you even afraid of me, na
baka masama akong tao? <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Hmm…I am a risk taker.
I don’t mind meeting new people. And besides, I just approached you, asked if I
can join you here. It’s not as if I’ll sleep with you. <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Hahaha! You’re really
something. So, why? <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Let’s just say that I
wanted to ask you a favor. <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>And ano naman yun? <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Consider this as a
business proposal. I write for a living and I have this very important
assignment. I need to impress my boss and I wanted to write the perfect piece
and I want you to help me.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>What made you so sure
that I’ll agree?<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>You seem nice…and
capable and looking at your shoes, you’re practically neat. <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Hahaha, okay,
compliment ba yun? <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Consider it as is. So will
you help me? <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Wait, we just met and
you wanted me to help you simply because you find me neat, hahaha, okay, di mo
man lang ba naisip na I may be here waiting for someone, a girlfriend perhaps?<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Do you have one?<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>No.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Perfect. <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Perfect?<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Yes. <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>For what?<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>My article.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Ako?<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Yup.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>What about?<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Love.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>What about it?<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She heaved a sigh and looked straight at me. There is
something about this lady. She is not only interesting. I like how she does her
thing. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Alden, I want to know
you as a boyfriend. Are you in? <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
jrealmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12986052595215240757noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5953577323791259929.post-14834546005222557252012-11-04T05:06:00.000-08:002012-11-04T05:06:45.639-08:00"Love Struck"I wanted to feel love the way I envisioned it to be.<br />
I wanted to feel sorry for the things I failed to see,<br />
While every season seemingly ends, a leaf falls in my own embedded tree,<br />
Where my self resides not in mere joy but with tears for all to see.<br />
<br />
In my inner journey also known as love,<br />
I tried to do whatever that is almost profound,<br />
I've successfully bitten that love struck bug,<br />
And now, the bite has swollen like that ethereal fog.<br />
<br />
<br />
Happy reading, everyone! Hey, I'm back! :)jrealmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12986052595215240757noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5953577323791259929.post-2463774783151176642011-05-03T06:24:00.000-07:002011-05-03T06:29:43.559-07:00BreatheIt is now that I finally decided to pursue blogging. It was not too long ago, when I wanted to monetize and start a blog that addresses women concerns. To start it off, I readily searched for sites that empower women through writing. As you can see, I am in the midst of waiting for my next project; some job that will take off come mid May and the waiting led to resistance and frustration so to speak.<div><br /></div><div>I do not normally write about these feelings here, simply because I wanted to keep everything discreet. However, I find it hard to follow my mind for my heart speaks louder. I am on the brink of losing hope and I know, that such is one tragedy to make. </div><div><br /></div><div>With the intent of reviving this blog and letting others know more about my writing, I decided to write this piece. I am a writer and my heart will always favor writing. The world might think that I am a big mess; a fur ball that is running out of steam...on the contrary, the more I feel this frustration, the more willing I become to prove something....</div><div><br /></div><div>May the good Lord guide me in my journey....it is He who gave me the will and it is only He who will make things happen.</div><div><br /></div><div>JCL </div>jrealmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12986052595215240757noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5953577323791259929.post-70341984700885735122010-11-30T09:53:00.000-08:002010-11-30T09:59:43.696-08:00A TONE-AHOLIC SURPRISE!<p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px; "><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Getting my first paycheck as a content developer online did not prevent me from pursuing my another “first love”- shoes. In fact, my hubby knows that I am on the verge of becoming a shoe addict and a sandals aficionado as I keep on buying, purchasing and should I say hoarding what I feel is the most basic need and prime commodity of all time—Shoes!</span></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 115%; "><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">It has been said that deprivation during your early years is like dealing with some sort of personality disorder come adulthood. For example, if you haven’t got the chance to rack up on clothes, it is likely that you will end up buying lots of fabric, as if nothing’s really enough for you. So, should I say that my deprivation when it comes to shoes affected my thinking that once I got hold of my hard-earned cash, <span> </span>a portion of it is and will always be allotted to my own brand of comfort food. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 115%; "><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I first heard about FitFlop barely a year ago and yes, you would think that why a self-confessed shoe aficionado would hear about it later than soon? Well, I have to say that while Manolo Blahniks and Jimmy Choos are way off my radar; my love for what’s stylish, sensible, and practical is what I personally go for. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 115%; "><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I hate stilettos and I never looked good in Mary Janes and I do have an off and on relationship with open-toed shoes. And because I’m neither an aspiring model nor a yuppie who’s most likely to sacrifice comfort, I’d rather have the less pretentious, and the comfy sandals and footwear that won’t keep draining my bank account, let alone, add more callus. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 115%; "><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">But don’t get me wrong. I may not be the first in line when it comes to hearing about this toning footwear, but I keep on targeting its stalls whenever I visit Trinoma or other malls. You may not understand it the way I do but believe me, my long quest for what’s comfy, and usable ended a couple of months ago. I remember when I can’t seem to find that one right shoe. I’ve sailed through dozens of choices, even contemplated buying my first stiletto just to satisfy my insatiable thirst for “the shoe.” <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 115%; "><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">It started like mental suggestion. My friend told me that FitFlop was a great choice, all because while you’re wearing it, you are getting something that other shoe brands can’t possibly do for you- a workout. Well, I have to be honest hear, I’m no health buff so what had drawn me more to the FitFlop is not its famous tag line but its noticeable exterior. Not to forget that one FitFlop model that boasts of sparkly, gem-like studs that make you feel light on your feet and stylish on your toes. And as I keep on counting the days toward my goal, the vision of this endless cue of ladies wearing the same pair kills me, practically draining my spirit and cashing in like tick tocks in an A-Bomb waiting to explode! The cure: Yes, people, I bought my first pair of FitFlop last September and it inspired me to buy more! <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 115%; "><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Of course, this simple lady deserves something classy so I got my Pietra and how I love its pewter color. This Tone-aholic Surprise (errr…should I say a Toning-inspired Shopaholic buy) deserves its Class-A ratings when it comes to finding the shoe…your shoe (or sandal whichever is your choice). Not only are you wearing something slim and stylish, you are getting a workout at a time when you needed it the most. I also noticed how my posture improved while wearing it, and yes, toning my leg muscles won’t be a problem too. Besides, how can you not enjoy your FitFlops when you can end up having a firmer butt? So now, you are not only getting toned, you finally have a crack at finding the best jeans for you (hitting two birds with one stone). <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 115%; "><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Now, I can be trendy while donning a casual getup during mall strolls. Now, I can wear “my shoe” without even looking at other stalls. Now, I can say that my quest for that one elusive goal ended with a Tone-aholic surprise that made me love my FitFlops more. :)</span></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>jrealmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12986052595215240757noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5953577323791259929.post-6761704990992550692009-11-01T00:06:00.000-07:002009-11-01T00:16:22.401-07:00A Graceful ExitRight now, I feel that major decisions are about to come into play. First, my supposed trip to Palawan is seemingly a start of something new and fresh. Second, my recent 'literary exits' have proven that the only constant thing here in life is change. It's been weeks now since I am feeling a little overwhelmed. At some point, I feel that I am no longer capable to do the things that I'm used to doing. A part of me was inching to get away...as if I am about to face something that is both fearful and exciting.<br /><br />I've been to certain crossroads before and each I have successfully conquered. There was even a time when I felt nothing or no one can ever harm me...was it wrong invincibility? I guess...<br />However, I feel that such feeling came from a long history where I have ruled things based on my conviction and faith and it helped me to be stronger.<br /><br />Right now, I know that I needed some rest. I need to get away. I need to feel that life still has something to offer. I have to be alive and well again.<br /><br />If in the course of my journey, I have to stop momentarily and give up everything...then I have to follow what my heart asks of me. I have to take some time and breathe. I have to die a little in order to live.<br /><br />If such journey and yearning wants me to give up writing, at least for a short period then there is nothing to complain about and discern. All I know is that I am not well and I need to find my inner self.jrealmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12986052595215240757noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5953577323791259929.post-81016996211212918802009-09-15T09:19:00.000-07:002009-09-15T09:27:25.809-07:00RealizationsThere are things in life that give you the slightest hint of doubt,<br />There are those who fuel that doubt and others who satisfy themselves when you are in doubt.<br /><br />Forgiveness is stronger when you finally realized that you truly deserve a second chance,<br />when you are ready to face the world again as if you were a newly-born child.<br /><br />I have kept wounds open for too long, had tried to remedy the pain as if I am a master of my own conviction. At times, when I failed to see my worth... move on, it is now that I am finally seeing the dawn.<br /><br />Forgiveness is crucial if you cannot live without it,<br />Forgiveness is like your own brand of self-healing kit.<br />With the way things have finally shown itself, you will then see how forgiveness returns.<br /><br />As for myself...it came at a point when I am reading God's message.<br />It came at a moment when I am no longer weakened by despair.<br />When I opened my eyes, my heart began to feel better...<br />When I felt my own touch, it already made me feel that I am finally regaining what was once broken.<br /><br />Happy Reading! :)<br /><br />JLCjrealmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12986052595215240757noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5953577323791259929.post-86930073974150540802009-07-21T10:34:00.000-07:002009-07-21T10:41:56.344-07:00StrangeStrange is a person who loves for he merely thinks of his emotions and himself...<br />Strange is the person who fears for he is afraid of something he will eventually meet...<br />Strange is a person who keeps on dreaming, for in his mind he knew of its failing...<br />Strange is one who finds others worthy when in truth everyone is not thinking of him.<br /><br />Love presents a couple of strange ways, with hopes of bringing not a start but mere end,<br />Love is strange when you feel that the one you love has been lost forever.<br /><br />Strange can be nice and easy..<br />It can be hard too and stiff,<br />But regardless of how strange life can be...we are always willing to suffer and live.<br /><br />May the glorious past of mankind redeem itself<br />For in our ways lie the truth of our beings.<br />We can never be sure of tomorrows nor ends.<br />But we can be certain of love that is unfolding each minute.<br /><br />To those who I have loved and shared myself...<br />I want you to keep a part of my life as well.<br />For in this journey where life seems too strange,<br />It is you, my dear friends, who'd let me find myself.jrealmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12986052595215240757noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5953577323791259929.post-7115026831894339092009-04-01T09:51:00.000-07:002009-04-01T10:16:56.636-07:00The thing about my birthday :)I've been hibernating for quite some time now,hehe. I have lots of work to do and don't get me wrong, I am definitely not complaining. It's just that I never got to realize how time passes that fast, it's like looking straight into something that suddenly disappears, whew!!!<br /><br />Anyway, I've decided to post my entry on this very special date....my birthday :)<br />Let me start with the 'good and best things'<br /><ol><li>I had a new set of project to work on.</li><li>I am continually enjoying my job.</li><li>I am spending this day with my hubby, Mark :)</li><li>I will skip writing just for a day to give time to myself.</li><li>I will make sure to finish all my tasks come weekend.</li></ol>I know, this list is very work-oriented, kind of personal too but it only shows how I value my work as a writer. For those who knew me well enough, they would either think of me as a workaholic or as an addict,hehe. Meaning, I tend to forget things due to my writing. But for those who claim that they knew me well enough...well, no comment :)<br /><br />To be honest, I am a very simple person with very simple needs. I take joy in everything that makes me happy, even through the simplest of ways. Whenever I learn of a friend's success, I take pride in their achievements. Whenever I learn of their mistakes, I tend not to judge but instead learn.<br /><br />I have so many things to be thankful for. In fact, if I'm about to list every detail, it would take me basically a lifetime. My life is so imperfect that I find its hidden perfections; how it completes me in the process and how I end up being who I am now.<br /><br />I have my share of mistakes...many of them in fact. Some of which bear scars that would never heal or leave my mind. However, God has taught me one thing and that is how to redeem myself through soft-spoken words. How I need to re evaluate things if necessary and apply what is meant for each.<br /><br />I love my husband, his affectionate ways, his trust....<br />I love my mother, despite her weaknesses and our trials...<br />I love my relatives, my aunts, for I see a part of me in them...<br />I love my friends, for through them, I seek support and advice.<br /><br />Each of them makes me who I am as a grand daughter, daughter, niece, sister, friend, and wife.<br />They are like my multi-colored bubbles, which spring out of nowhere, adding zest and spice in my life.<br /><br />The thing about my birthday is...I get a year older but with an upper hand :)jrealmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12986052595215240757noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5953577323791259929.post-17221205682751892642009-02-17T16:42:00.000-08:002009-02-17T17:13:58.217-08:00Random Things...I took the idea from my cousin Lalaine after reading her post in Facebook. I got inspired and thought, "what exactly are the things I consider random?" In her post, she took the liberty to list around 25 random things. It involved petty to the most substantive; simple to the most peculiar. Nevertheless, I find it enjoyable to read.<br /><br />So, here's my take on the list of 'random things.'<br /><br /><ol><li>Finding myself praying during seemingly-odd moments. Like I get to do it while I lie in my bed subconsciously waiting to fall asleep; I also do it every time I find myself waking up.</li><li>I love having my coffee this way- 1 tsp. of instant coffee, 1 1/2 tsps. of sugar. That's it. If I feel like being healthy, I add a half teaspoon of milk.</li><li>Doing my hair and dabbing some powder before facing my PC.</li><li>Putting a glass of water in front of me, without necessarily drinking it..let's say I just love having it there :)</li><li>Arranging my fave pillows according to size, color, etc.</li><li>Placing my fave book in front with the others occupying the secluded part of the shelf.</li><li>Can't leave my house with the gate and door keys. It has a separate compartment in my bag...always.</li><li>I'm a bit OC (obsessive-compulsive), so I make sure that my things are arranged properly. If someone makes a fuss or tries to displace things, I can automatically know. It's like my second nature, hehe.</li><li>I heard there are those who can wear their fave jeans twice, but with me...it can never be the case. If I wear it the first time, then it meets the laundry basket right away.</li><li>I am more of a routine-loving person, so if ever there is someone/something that disrupts it with no prior notice....I get pissed off. </li><li>Tuesdays with Mark. That is the only day that I get to spend quality time with my hubby. Meaning-no work, no other commitments. It's a must! I know that when Tuesdays come, there is simply no other important person than him :)</li><li>Cleaning my room every two days. That is thoroughly...</li><li>This one started as an acquired habit. Taking a deep breath if I feel depressed or if someone accidentally hit a nerve...but the catch is- I never get to practice this on #8. (It takes awhile though,hehe).</li></ol>If you feel like writing your own 'random things' list, why not start now. Who knows, you might find a number of surprising things about yourself.<br /><br />Happy Reading!jrealmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12986052595215240757noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5953577323791259929.post-37447698908583401122009-02-04T07:40:00.000-08:002009-02-04T08:41:39.704-08:00Love thoughts Part 2"Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope and to endure whatever comes."<br /><br />Just imagine if we can love fully if not live up to these standards. Most of the time, we are blinded by the emotions we use and feel. We love because of many reasons, some of which bear logic, most of which clueless. We are like souls in constant search of affirmation or love itself.<br /><br />Yes, people tend to love because of need. The kind of wanting which serves their ego well. If for some reason, this person leaves us wanting for change, then maybe it is not such a bad thing. But when such need turns into selfishness, egos are fed with nothing but false hopes instead.<br /><br />Is it really hard to love truly? Do we need to love and eventually lose before realizing our mistakes? But what does one need to do in order to love successfully? I guess, the answer lies in our hearts more than our heads.<br /><br />What makes us selfish is our capacity to react selfishly. We own love the wrong way. We tend to think that the other person is the only one we need when in fact, it can't be the case. We love because we feel it, we love because we know we're giving a part of ourselves. Come to think of it, it was unselfishness bringing two hearts together.<br /><br />Love needs not to be right or wrong unless you decide which is which. It is always right even though others see nothing of it. It just becomes wrong when we heed to desires and questionable yearnings. Our choices define the way we live as people and it is still our choices that define love along the way. For the truth is-love is something that our hearts see with eyes closed...never open.<br /><br />Our love may not be perfect...it may not be ideal in itself. But what makes love greater is our ability to choose and feel what must be felt. Of course, we can never just succeed by choosing the ones we love, as such brings nothing to a certain extent. For choices only become truths unfolding once you see respect and understanding.<br /><br />Love is a great feeling, no doubt. But once you let this feeling overwhelm you, nothing will ever be the same. You will be like one fish out of water. You will be like a spirit blown away by steams of urge and not pure air.<br /><br />I am not saying that all loves are not bound for greatness. I am saying that love and its depth remains a mystery always. We can always choose but options provide no guarantees. The only workable thing is to risk and hope for something better.<br /><br />I am in love with this person not because I need him but because I see him changing me.<br /><br />I am in love with my husband not because he provides well but because he provides me with something more than wealth...he makes me see my own value over and over.<br /><br />I am in love with him not because he feeds my ego, in fact he puts me rightly in place. He did whatever is necessary to protect me. And even if I refuse to see it myself, he patiently waited.<br /><br />There was a moment when I felt ours was a love wasted...but his heart refuses to give in. At times when he feels how estranged I'd been...he made me see reasons why it should not be.<br /><br />I am in love with him for he understands and owns up to his wrongdoings. He is indeed a better man realizing his own strengths...admitting his weaknesses.<br /><br />I am in love with him for in his eyes, I see how he sees me...<br /><br />We have been the worst of enemies and became the best of friends. We made mistakes...we have been tested...but love kept us and never failed.jrealmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12986052595215240757noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5953577323791259929.post-12611966984652707272009-01-03T00:42:00.000-08:002009-01-03T01:12:02.767-08:00It's 2009 Everyone!!!It's a wonderful feeling, starting a new year. We can finally bid those grotesque moments good bye and move forward. As for what I did last new year's eve, would you believe that I have to work? Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining, besides who would have wanted to start their year frowning?<br /><br />I have a list of things to do this first quarter of 2009. I must remind myself to stick to my pre-conceived plans and get each done accordingly. I have missed a lot of gatherings, and mini-reunions due to lack of free time and I know that sooner I have to make up for them.<br /><br />I miss my family and relatives in Bulacan and Laguna. I wanted to pay each of them a visit but somehow my inability to do so cripples me to death. Meaning, self-imposed guilt.<br /><br />I wanted to go some place and spend a long, uninterrupted vacation with Mark...just the two of us...have quality time and enjoy further.<br /><br />I want to start my essay, some piece of work that's been untouched for months now since I started accepting online work. I need to finish it by end of February and pass it before deadline.<br /><br />I want to see my god children...the ones who left abroad or the ones who have no free time to visit me either. People nowadays need to remind themselves to unwind a little, be free and grow a bit bolder, don't you think?<br /><br />I want to give my husband a seemingly-perfect gift. For in truth, the last time I gave him one was November, during his birthday. You know, whenever we buy each other gifts, we basically ask what we like to receive. In such way, less mistakes,hehe. Maybe another toy? A new pair of shoes? An audio equipment? Well, he's the one who is truly indecisive,haha!<br /><br />As for me...I'm now attuned to the fact that as you grow older, you tend to give than receive. Of course, I still miss those days wherein my aunts give me lots of gifts. From dresses to shoes to bags to everything. It really shames me to think how they had given me their time and effort when I was still an innocent-looking, fragile girl, hehe. That due to my stubbornness, I have not been able to reciprocate appropriately. Gladly, they have asked me to be a god mother to their children or at least some of them and in my own minuscule way, I can somehow return the favor.<br /><br />With my self-proclaimed dedication to this list, I have felt that I work best under pressure. I need to set a time line. Impose upon myself an ultimatum. Build an itinerary with urgency at all costs.<br /><br />I want to be specific with my goals. Learn a few tricks. Maximize opportunities. Take on bigger risks.<br /><br /> <span style="font-weight: bold;">2009 will be my year and I mean it.</span>jrealmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12986052595215240757noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5953577323791259929.post-63719374703948801272008-12-12T08:11:00.000-08:002008-12-12T08:42:14.474-08:00What a year...My god...a couple of days more and 2008 is over...I can't believe seeing time fleet so fast...like one hurrying wind. I was sure that after this, I will be thinking of writing about something that would make me see my future...with family.<br /><br />Eventful. This is how I describe my year...so many have happened...some things have gone wasted while some have been readily achieved. I was sure that for the past months, I never really thought that my year would be like this. And now it's as if it just happened yesterday...all turned into mere memories.<br /><br />First, I started the year re uniting friendships, building old relationships, meeting special friends. Then, I had to endure this terrible pain, agonizing moments like chips off my frame. I was like wallowing behind unknown foes and shadowy lanes. I found myself deciding on matters which would lead me to either past or present. And slowly, I had to find my way in each of them. Full of decisions, surprises and re makes, hehe.<br /><br />Then there came the survival and acceptance of whatever fate has for me. I decided to continue what would be best for everyone and I had to be firm and strong-minded.<br /><br />In the end...I realized that regardless of how many adventures or events, I should be ready to fill in the emptiness and have it full with more surprises.<br /><br />In short...I was taught the biggest lesson and learned.<br /><br />Oh my!!! I can't even tell how mixed my reactions and emotions were, how lively my days had been, how such had turned from boring to simply carefree...wandering. I never even knew how lucky I was to be here and face the progress, for at some point I felt I'll be dying and will soon be meeting death. Mellow dramatic? Maybe, but that's the only way I got in describing what has been with me this past 2008 and frankly, I am beginning to realize the awe and excitement behind every despair...loss...discouragement.<br /><br />I can definitely say anything and be with everyone I want but it did not erase the fact that this year, I also spent time with mindful, cold-hearted people. And would you believe how simple things can turn your life around in an instant? Geez, life is incredibly wonderful.<br /><br />Life is all about love still.<br /><br />Love on the contrary cannot always be your life. Be smart in choosing who to love.<br /><br />Trust is power. It can make you see the goodness and once broken, can leave you defenseless.<br /><br />Getting over and moving forward is a process. It takes time to forget and heal.<br /><br />Gratitude is something that you must give sincerely. Appreciate whatever life has in store for you...see everything with both eyes open.<br /><br />God...as always...will never leave you. He will be there at your darkest moment and keep you close once you're in dire need. He will supply with air like one tank in re fill.<br /><br />Eventful....emotionally riveting...pleasant....energizing.<br />2009 will be the beginning and culmination of everything I learned and kept...<br /><br />May God continue blessing us!<br />Keep the faith!!!<br />Love and be loved....<br /><br />Happy holidays!!!!<br />Cheers and kudos for a fruitful year!!!jrealmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12986052595215240757noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5953577323791259929.post-61586258010851218042008-11-21T04:32:00.000-08:002008-11-21T04:50:48.338-08:00Got to see "Twilight."A flick full of action and romance; a drama set in the deepest forests of Forks with its roots all the way from Seattle; a flight of both life and dreams where beginnings never end and endings have beginnings...<br /><br />Yes...it's the latest craze after Harry's and is expected to rise even way beyond it.<br /><br />You have to give full credit to Stephenie Meyer for writing this series of tales, a saga that's waiting to evolve from something scary to romantic. None other than..."Twilight."<br /><br />Honestly, I have started collecting books after buying my first set- The Harry Potter series then it was soon followed by C. S. Lewis' Chronicles of Narnia. My addiction for fantasy is somewhat made real through these books and glad that I did.<br /><br />"Twilight" is bent on becoming a classic. Aside from the fact that it appeals to a wider audience, it also catches the attention of vampire stories' enthusiasts around the globe. It was beautifully written making use of vivid descriptions and intensified emotions; it transcends the fluidity of life in time and makes love a complexity worthy to own.<br /><br />Got to say the characters evoke in them personalities of pros and cons; the highlights of the story marked by Edward's mysterious facade and Bella's inquisitive approach. You will notice the writer's expertise as she shows the details through descriptions as if each setting is being seen at hand. You will naturally feel how each page makes you crave for more as if you're one vampire on the hunt...<br /><br />I really can't wait to watch this film come November 26th though I have to wait further than that. And since my insatiable thirst for this romantic adventure won't be quenched for now...the least thing that I can do was to draw first blood in buying the second book entitled "New Moon."jrealmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12986052595215240757noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5953577323791259929.post-17162284394733263552008-11-09T04:32:00.000-08:002008-11-09T04:58:37.708-08:00A Good FightMy affinity with Coelho's works started when I first read "The Alchemist" then "The Zahir." Both are great works that I soon realized my wanting to write one some day_ my own book.<br /><br />As of this writing, I'm still in the process of reading and hopefully finishing the book. I wanted to do it so bad that regardless of my schedule, I would keep track and make sure I'll read a page or two.<br /><br />Here's something that I want to share with you guys, a passage more so an excerpt from the book. This has something to do with living our dreams; creating what must be created to continue whatever our hearts feel of doing...<br /><br />"We must never stop dreaming. Dreams provide nourishment for the soul,just as a meal does for the body. Many times in our lives we see our dreams shattered and our desires frustrated, but we have to continue dreaming...what's important is knowing that both sides were fighting the good fight."<br /><br />"The good fight is the one we fight because our heart asks it of us...Today, though, the world has changed a lot, and the good fight has shifted from the battlefields to the fields within ourselves."<br /><br />"The good fight is the one that's fought in the name of our dreams. When we're young and our dreams first explode we haven't yet learned how to fight. With great effort, we learn how to fight, but by then we no longer have the courage to go into combat. So we turn against ourselves and do battle within...we kill our dreams because we are afraid to fight the good fight."<br /><br />After reading these, I began asking if I did fight the good fight? Am I really living my dream? Honestly, I felt that I did go into battle not against another person but within. There were times before when I felt I cannot develop something out a very frustrating situation or let's say I have sort of given up. But things have changed and made me see the value of living for your self...your dreams...your seemingly dead wants. I began to realize that whatever it is that my heart really desires, a way would reveal itself. That any time lost isn't a waste...<br /><br />If living the good fight means huge waves of trials then so be it,<br />If living the good fight means digging the past and resolving with it, then I am prepared.<br /><br />If living the good fight means facing your biggest fears, then I will be proud to contend with it, giving all I have for my dreams sake.<br /><br />We are heading on different roads...pursuing our own destinies. Declarations of hope are like declarations of inner voices, always seeking to be heard.<br /><br />We have ambitions, needs and aspirations either for ourselves or for others. Just remember, that wherever life takes you...your heart will be your saving grace.jrealmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12986052595215240757noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5953577323791259929.post-48595070988764494762008-11-01T11:01:00.000-07:002008-11-01T17:08:54.325-07:00Thoughts in RandomThe following are words, more or less ideas pertaining to my old and new way of thinking. Since then, I have formed this habit of taking down notes, as if I squeeze details out my head, and as expected, I often see them as random thoughts appearing constantly like woes and tales of fears and dreams.<br /><br />* <span style="font-weight: bold;">There </span>are ways to enrich oneself...nurture your gifts. All you have to do is acknowledge, seek them out and earn your way through it.<br /><br /><br />*<span style="font-weight: bold;">Patience</span> is hard work's kin. They go together so well that beautiful and inspiring things surround them.<br /><br /><br />*<span style="font-weight: bold;">Life</span> is a drawer with us serving its keys.<br /><br /><br />*<span style="font-weight: bold;">Finding</span> the rightest thing could lead us to roads less traveled.<br /><br /><br />*<span style="font-weight: bold;">Earn</span> for yourself the kindness of strangers and there you'll see more friends.<br /><br /><br />*<span style="font-weight: bold;">Love</span> as if you run out of time and each act will last forever.<br /><br /><br /><br />I don't know how they come about and speak to me like murmurs in the wind. To me, they are expressions of my inner conscience; adaptations of cryptic knowledge.<br /><br />Whatever message they convey, I do hope each comes as a lovely present that will bring me happiness and enlightenment.jrealmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12986052595215240757noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5953577323791259929.post-89213848911897071592008-10-31T14:12:00.000-07:002008-10-31T14:40:07.269-07:00The Act of ForgivenessToday, I have realized the value of forgiving...shedding that old skin of despair and letting oneself shine beyond defeat.<br /><br />I was severely hurt by people who I trusted and often did I question why.<br />I was being battered emotionally by the ones who acted as friends yet reveal themselves as enemies.<br />Each letdown was painful and memorable...like a wound that never heals.<br /><br />After my Grand father's death, I vowed to live the life I wanted.<br />I started to write and pursued it as a career and I did.<br />I opened new doors for other people and did they enter.<br />I, again became a feeling human after seven years of secluding my pains and in more ways was I've been blessed.<br /><br />I have made a picture of myself achieving things which I foremost just dreamed.<br />I have renewed ties and re built forgotten relationships.<br />In less than a year, I felt that I was truly living and my Grandfather's demise proved to be a new beginning.<br /><br />I must admit that I blamed myself for a lot of things, for reasons either personally inflicted or provoked by someone else.<br />I have lived and became quite fearless and in so doing, I commanded respect but gained a number of mistakes...ones which I will never be proud of so to speak.<br />Still, I opted to do the inevitable and change...for I want and have to.<br />A leap of faith became my greatest agony and for that I have began to feel that my acts are unforgivable.<br /><br />The act of forgiving is tough as much as it is hard to forget.<br />It's ironic that at a time when I thought I have flown and defied boundaries, there would be times when I need to seek and learn to forgive.<br /><br />Forgiveness for things I have done wrong.<br />Forgiveness for time wasted.<br />Forgiveness for not being true and real...<br /><br />My grandfather died and I never had the chance to speak with him...<br />A year had passed and I am sort of grieving...<br />But I knew that the last thing he wants is for me to carry the burden and be incapable of forgiving...<br /><br />That is why I need to do so and begin with myself.<br /><br />From here on, My Grandfather's life would be celebrated....<br />His memories will never fade...<br />I thank him for giving me reasons to re think my life and act on them with faith.<br /><br />To Lolo,<br />Your life would be our vision...something that will guide us in knowing what has to be dealt with.<br />That we may find the need to spend days with loved ones, friends and family.<br />Yours was a life that is felt and shared.jrealmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12986052595215240757noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5953577323791259929.post-64282702084959414782008-10-15T11:15:00.001-07:002008-10-15T11:32:16.338-07:00Move forward and never look backThe very first step in moving on is the ability to take steps backward. It is more of knowing and understanding what happened and not focusing on what merely went wrong. It is like taking in the loss and understanding what you have gained in the experience...what lessons it taught you and what future days will bring.<br /><br />It is never easy. In fact, it is always difficult and hard to take. But remember- the harder the steps, the greater the reward.<br /><br />We should not be tied up with past problems as it will consume you...break you. Thinking of problems and heart aches over and over will make you feel weak and ill. You will feel lonely and depressed; you will eventually give up and lose everything you worked hard for.<br /><br />In making these steps, remind yourself of good things and blessings.<br /><br />Reward yourself with minor achievements. Successful people revel on goals fulfilled and jobs greatly finished.<br /><br />Gratitude is essential in seeing beneath life's treasure chest. God is great for he remembers and never forgets. He showers us with love and not just second chances.<br /><br />Prioritize and never compromise loved ones and family. Be thankful for them. Surround them with affection and support their needs in ways you can.<br /><br />Start your day with a prayer and end it with affirmation. Compassion is evident in words of heart and inner self.<br /><br />Moving on does not only refer to a broken heart or unfulfilled promises. It has something to do with living and continually seeing life.<br /><br />Moving on is like sailing the ocean amidst angry waves; a journey which will make you stronger and happier.jrealmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12986052595215240757noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5953577323791259929.post-41356180492224017342008-10-12T02:46:00.000-07:002008-10-12T03:11:34.031-07:00Of lost trust and daunted faithFor me, faith is something that one can't live without. Be it religion, an unknown source or fragmented imagination, it is always crucial to hold on to something that could make you stronger and move on. That to me, is the essence of faith...of hope.<br /><br />In the past, I tend to believe people right away. Bearing in mind, that each person has within him this certain kind of truthfulness that will make you trust him. A stranger's ways could lead to friendships and stable relationships, lasting the test of time and struggles. I am very lucky for I have known people who can be trusted and believed in.<br /><br />In the course of one's life, we are either destroyed or damaged by irreversible consequences brought by distrust and betrayal. And often, we find it quite hard to get back to where it all started. A friendship whose value remains in years can be tainted by issues relative to money or petty fights; others could have been due to arguments leading to eventual pain and severity of words said; some of which had lasted bearing in one's heart the arguments and misunderstandings. There is always the pride that keeps us from being humble and make us believe again, that something can be relived and tried the second time. But can you actually blame yourself for not giving these friendships a second chance?<br /><br />All of us has different takes on this one. Some may argue how important life is to be wasted away just like that; how life is too short just to ignore people who want to be a part of your life. As for me, sure life is short, life is valuable so is time, yet it does not mean you have to re consider everything and definitely everyone.<br /><br />The extent of the hurt, the act of grievance and thought of resentment must be totally banished from your system first. For every friendship lost, comes stages towards healing and relief. It does take time and normally, no one can always put the blame nor pinpoint the accusation to somebody else. You have a part in your own healing and you need to recognize the worth of chances given.<br /><br />I am different and has a fragmented take on this...so are everyone. I can never just pretend to go along and act as if I'm healed for I am not probably. A friendship taken by life's oddity can be taken back at a moment when you feel you can rebuild trust again. It could be my act of grievance, my thought of resentment but as I've said- it takes time. Life is too short indeed to be wasted on someone who can never do you any good. Nevertheless, life is too valuable to spend each moment re living a friendship that was not meant to be.<br /><br />Be true always. It will help you think not of betrayal but of faith. Believing in the rightest things can spell a whole lot difference in how you see yourself. In the process, you will be kinder and genuine to friends and family. Value time and hope for the best.jrealmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12986052595215240757noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5953577323791259929.post-60567601452424369382008-10-04T07:12:00.000-07:002008-10-04T07:35:09.487-07:00Blind No MoreAbout a week ago, I came across an email which literally took my interest and put my convictions to a halt. It has something to do with a short film, featuring a blind man begging on the streets. In it, many people stared, a couple dropped coins into the man's tin can while others never even stop to look or pay attention whatsoever. It was pretty much a scene that for others if not for some is quite ordinary. But then as the short film keeps on reeling, you would see this man passing by, who stopped for a moment and got hold of the beggar's sign. He took it, write something on it and put it back in place, just beside the old man's. As hours pass, you would notice the difference, people are starting to pay attention, dropping their change or coins, seemingly giving without holding back. It's amazing! But have you ever thought of asking- what did the man put on the beggar's sign? what stirred the interests and created the change?<br /><br />With every sound of these coins dropping, the old man knows how full the tin can has become. That probably, he is having his greatest day ever. People for awhile stopped this time not ignoring his presence, taking at least minimal interest towards a beggar who practically stayed and lived on the streets. For sure, it was not the first time some of them had seen him yet now they are there noticing him...giving.<br /><br />As the beggar hears and perceives all these, the man who came before dropped by later that day. The blind man, knowing it was him, finally asked, "What did you do with my sign?" Then the man, donning his power suit and clean shoes so replied, "Nothing, I'd written the same thing but with different words." And then he left...<br /><br />As for the sign? The beggar initially wrote these,<br /><br />"Have compassion...I am blind."<br /><br />then the man ended up writing these,<br /><br />"Today is a beautiful day and I can't see it."<br /><br /><br />See, nothing can be taken away from someone who realizes things differently. It is true that life is a matter of perspective. You conceive something nice and positive, and the results would follow the same. Think of life as something negative, and you will end up perished and agonizing.<br /><br />The man helped the beggar in the most simple yet rational way. He had not just given him a spare of change but a sign that would make him feel seen and appreciated. A very simple story but with a blessed end.<br /><br />Happy reading!!!jrealmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12986052595215240757noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5953577323791259929.post-17575660944095844382008-08-22T12:04:00.000-07:002008-08-22T12:29:36.752-07:00Re finding ..."A writer conceives out of nothing...he is the ever seasoned painter who never leaves his canvass blank."-jcl<br /><br />I'd written these words in my application days ago. It leaves me thinking how words can deny and defy you. Deny you of time as it can be a graceful solace; defy you of reality as writing gives you wordy fantasies. I thought, if there is one thing that would complete if not begin my journey as a novice writer, it has to be the 'Palanca'. I first heard of it when I was in college, year 1994, and it has been a passion, no, make that an obsession. So far, none of my attempts succeeded but I'm planning to write for it once more.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">The first time.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Second semester, year 1994. </span></span>A friend handed me the application, I wrote my piece,have it read by an English professor and I was told, "It wasn't good enough, better concentrate on speech."<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">The second time.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">April, year 2004.</span> I was on my fourth year as a housewife, I went to Makati and have my application personally made, I wrote a half-finished piece, and dropped out before the race even began.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">The third time.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">January, year 2007</span>. I downloaded the forms, wrote a complete piece entitled 'Broken Fences', I have it read by friends, have the copies ,all three of them sent by courier, I waited and lost.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;"></span></span></span><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;"></span></span></span>After a number of attempts, I decided not to join this year. All because, I have nothing worthy to write about. I have been waiting for the right piece...the seemingly perfect fragment of my creative self, as it whips into the air not mere letters but vivid words. Something that would keep me awake each time I scribbled lines of prose and poetry. A part which keeps myself hidden...and through which I can see all my senses justified and revealed.<br /><br />If that would mean waiting for a number of years, then so be it. As long as I have in me the guts...no failure can ever stop me from doing what I feel gives me so much life.<br /><span style="font-style: italic;"></span>jrealmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12986052595215240757noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5953577323791259929.post-66310163453218179082008-08-16T03:43:00.000-07:002008-08-16T03:55:44.194-07:00A tenacious bite.After almost a month, I am here again, reiterating the fact that my work is my greatest passion. For years, I have been struggling to see its benefits and recently, I had a taste of its value. Several projects later, I am now an online essay writer. I've been writing articles and essays for other people, and is being compensated out of it. A good feeling, especially that my passion is slowly becoming my 'bread and butter'.<br /><br />I never really thought that writing would serve me this well. I am grateful that of all the skills available to man, I did have a share in it. I will never run out of words expressing the simplest and inconceivable joy I'm having; the presence of blessings that come my way each day and the kind of life I am living- imperfect, full of flaws and challenges. It takes more than courage, come to think of it, it takes tenacity and determination to say that "life is good....God is great."<br /><br />The good Lord...as always...provides.<br />Happy Reading ! Ciao!jrealmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12986052595215240757noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5953577323791259929.post-22967015277595319202008-07-28T13:00:00.000-07:002008-07-28T13:27:56.928-07:00Childhood DreamsI remember one time, when I was about eight years old, I have always wanted to grow up fast so that I could start working...be somebody and not just stay as this fragile-looking girl who stays up late and just dream.<br /><br />I remember one time, I told myself that I wanted to be this and that and this again,hehe. So many things I have wanted to achieve as if everything can be done so easily. That is how an eight-year old mind works..full of hope and dreams.<br /><br />I remember wanting to become a ballerina, a teacher, a secretary even a stewardess....a writer. I recall wishing to become a figure skater or a gymnast or a child singing wonder. It's like when you're young...you feel as if anything is possible; that life is nothing but a playground. So whimsical, joyful, and immensely beautiful. You see things at its best and lightest moment; you appreciate people as if they can never do you wrong; you aspire as if it's the best way to live and you dream as if there's no tomorrow. MY CHILDHOOD DREAMS ARE LIKE MY GREATEST FANTASIES.<br /><br />23 years later, I found myself simply as someone who holds in her heart these wondrous dreams. I never became a stewardess, gymnast or a ballerina but know what? I feel as if I am still young...full of hope and sharing a life filled with good memories of what I was before. I don't know, maybe life taught me that dreams never stop from becoming true..one could have taken a different path yet still you knew the precious token of aspiring for something new and good if not great. Dreams take shape and become varied along the way, it never fades...it stays.<br /><br />I also promised before how I wanted my kids to fulfill the dreams, my dreams. But then I realized I should not think of passing onto them my secret wishes or greatest fantasies. A child becomes a child at a moment when she feels she can do anything, without having someone or anyone telling her what to do or what to become. I wanted my kids to have their own dreams, childhood dreams. I want them to feel how it's like to think and believe that there is one world out there ready to be explored and experienced. I won't make their dreams for them. I won't let my wishes become theirs. I want them to become someone who knows what it takes to live and be free.<br /><br />Now, I am doing everything I can to become a writer. I learned business in college and graduated accordingly but dreams are like nightmares you know,hehe. It can haunt you but with a good feel. I still pause whenever I see ballerinas and gymnasts or figure skaters on TV, I still wonder and think of what could have happened if I pursued those instead. But you know what? If I cannot become any of those, it does not mean I can never be someone. I still can. I will. :)jrealmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12986052595215240757noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5953577323791259929.post-91077042645118698942008-07-25T16:29:00.000-07:002008-07-25T16:56:12.259-07:00Bitter truth.There's always the brighter side on things as much as there's the dimmer side. When I hear of people and their love stories, it's either I feel or see myself in them. If a person close to me happens to deal with a heart problem...then seeks my advice, I tend to give answers I myself found amazing. For in saying or giving those words...I am surprised at how I can come up with those things.<br /><br />Losing oneself (in a relationship) begins when small things go unnoticed. When petty fights and misunderstandings are being ignored simply for convenience. Convenience, in terms of saving each other's time; minding reasons which often mean, "I know your point- so you don't need to say it" kind of thing? Yes, at times, when we want to talk, as in talk, either the other shuts us out or does not really understand but pretends he did.<br /><br />That's why maybe friends get along better than lovers. It's because in friendship, we make ourselves available; we listen. We open our minds and are willing to give without necessarily taking. When we meet and have known friends...we become ourselves to the point of being brutally honest. We pay attention at the same time, regard each one's welfare. Unlike in a romantic relationship, we seem to give so much...we end up losing both our hearts and heads.<br /><br />Late last night, upon learning of my dear friend's turmoil, I end up saying this-<br />"If you're with someone(you deeply love) and still you're confused and unhappy, then something is wrong. If being with him/her means not being true to yourself, then you got to end it...it's hard I know but you've got to ask- Is he the one for you? Sometimes, we're afraid to let go of someone because we love them...but if it means experiencing hurt over and over, why stay? If loving that person meant losing your purpose and happiness, would you wait till you lose yourself?<br /><br />Love is supposedly uplifting...it's there for a reason that's supposedly right.<br />:)jrealmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12986052595215240757noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5953577323791259929.post-37711501022077413702008-07-20T23:07:00.000-07:002008-07-20T23:27:12.177-07:00First Aid KitWe may not know it, but we often think of partners as immediate medicine kits...waiting to open and cure us with gauze pads. As we bleed either in peril or death( in my case, tantrums,hehe) my husband serves as my ultimate band-aid. He knows when to say the rightest words...he knows when to come up with the most encouraging words.<br /><br />Isn't it good to know that everyday, you'll have a pair of lovely hands to comfort you or slow your senses when its about to take a major dive? In my case- when I go on panic mode.<br /><br />Isn't it great feeling the warm embrace when all else fail to come? In my case- rejection at work; unfulfilled goals, etc.<br /><br />It's true that each minute is an escape of both time and love.<br /><br />Time...when we want to do things for people.<br />Love...when we want to show and feel affection.<br /><br />My first-aid kit came to me at a time when my bleeding keeps on non-stop. My first-aid kit came to give me gauze pads of certainty and love when I feel emptiness, no doubt. My first-aid kit came at a moment when breathing seems too hard, he gave me the pills I needed for confidence and will to survive. And that was eight years ago..My! How time drifts fast!<br /><br />I know that somewhere, there are those who feel the bleeding. Some having their band-aids with them...while others still hanging on, waiting. The bleeding could be mild and scars proved dense, on the other, bleeding could be worse. However, as we seek to find cure and healing, be it through partners, family or friends, what we should never forget is that we can also be our own band-aid...our selves could very well be our own first-aid kit.<br /><br />Lighten up and cheer up! Lots of reasons to feel happy about life. You may have never seen it yet for you somehow avail of thicker bandages in exchange for swollen egos or broken pride. Live and move on! Life is full of things that never run out. :)jrealmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12986052595215240757noreply@blogger.com0