Right now, I feel that major decisions are about to come into play. First, my supposed trip to Palawan is seemingly a start of something new and fresh. Second, my recent 'literary exits' have proven that the only constant thing here in life is change. It's been weeks now since I am feeling a little overwhelmed. At some point, I feel that I am no longer capable to do the things that I'm used to doing. A part of me was inching to get away...as if I am about to face something that is both fearful and exciting.
I've been to certain crossroads before and each I have successfully conquered. There was even a time when I felt nothing or no one can ever harm me...was it wrong invincibility? I guess...
However, I feel that such feeling came from a long history where I have ruled things based on my conviction and faith and it helped me to be stronger.
Right now, I know that I needed some rest. I need to get away. I need to feel that life still has something to offer. I have to be alive and well again.
If in the course of my journey, I have to stop momentarily and give up everything...then I have to follow what my heart asks of me. I have to take some time and breathe. I have to die a little in order to live.
If such journey and yearning wants me to give up writing, at least for a short period then there is nothing to complain about and discern. All I know is that I am not well and I need to find my inner self.