It's 2009 Everyone!!!

It's a wonderful feeling, starting a new year. We can finally bid those grotesque moments good bye and move forward. As for what I did last new year's eve, would you believe that I have to work? Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining, besides who would have wanted to start their year frowning?

I have a list of things to do this first quarter of 2009. I must remind myself to stick to my pre-conceived plans and get each done accordingly. I have missed a lot of gatherings, and mini-reunions due to lack of free time and I know that sooner I have to make up for them.

I miss my family and relatives in Bulacan and Laguna. I wanted to pay each of them a visit but somehow my inability to do so cripples me to death. Meaning, self-imposed guilt.

I wanted to go some place and spend a long, uninterrupted vacation with Mark...just the two of us...have quality time and enjoy further.

I want to start my essay, some piece of work that's been untouched for months now since I started accepting online work. I need to finish it by end of February and pass it before deadline.

I want to see my god children...the ones who left abroad or the ones who have no free time to visit me either. People nowadays need to remind themselves to unwind a little, be free and grow a bit bolder, don't you think?

I want to give my husband a seemingly-perfect gift. For in truth, the last time I gave him one was November, during his birthday. You know, whenever we buy each other gifts, we basically ask what we like to receive. In such way, less mistakes,hehe. Maybe another toy? A new pair of shoes? An audio equipment? Well, he's the one who is truly indecisive,haha!

As for me...I'm now attuned to the fact that as you grow older, you tend to give than receive. Of course, I still miss those days wherein my aunts give me lots of gifts. From dresses to shoes to bags to everything. It really shames me to think how they had given me their time and effort when I was still an innocent-looking, fragile girl, hehe. That due to my stubbornness, I have not been able to reciprocate appropriately. Gladly, they have asked me to be a god mother to their children or at least some of them and in my own minuscule way, I can somehow return the favor.

With my self-proclaimed dedication to this list, I have felt that I work best under pressure. I need to set a time line. Impose upon myself an ultimatum. Build an itinerary with urgency at all costs.

I want to be specific with my goals. Learn a few tricks. Maximize opportunities. Take on bigger risks.

2009 will be my year and I mean it.

What a year...

My god...a couple of days more and 2008 is over...I can't believe seeing time fleet so fast...like one hurrying wind. I was sure that after this, I will be thinking of writing about something that would make me see my future...with family.

Eventful. This is how I describe my year...so many have happened...some things have gone wasted while some have been readily achieved. I was sure that for the past months, I never really thought that my year would be like this. And now it's as if it just happened yesterday...all turned into mere memories.

First, I started the year re uniting friendships, building old relationships, meeting special friends. Then, I had to endure this terrible pain, agonizing moments like chips off my frame. I was like wallowing behind unknown foes and shadowy lanes. I found myself deciding on matters which would lead me to either past or present. And slowly, I had to find my way in each of them. Full of decisions, surprises and re makes, hehe.

Then there came the survival and acceptance of whatever fate has for me. I decided to continue what would be best for everyone and I had to be firm and strong-minded.

In the end...I realized that regardless of how many adventures or events, I should be ready to fill in the emptiness and have it full with more surprises.

In short...I was taught the biggest lesson and learned.

Oh my!!! I can't even tell how mixed my reactions and emotions were, how lively my days had been, how such had turned from boring to simply carefree...wandering. I never even knew how lucky I was to be here and face the progress, for at some point I felt I'll be dying and will soon be meeting death. Mellow dramatic? Maybe, but that's the only way I got in describing what has been with me this past 2008 and frankly, I am beginning to realize the awe and excitement behind every despair...loss...discouragement.

I can definitely say anything and be with everyone I want but it did not erase the fact that this year, I also spent time with mindful, cold-hearted people. And would you believe how simple things can turn your life around in an instant? Geez, life is incredibly wonderful.

Life is all about love still.

Love on the contrary cannot always be your life. Be smart in choosing who to love.

Trust is power. It can make you see the goodness and once broken, can leave you defenseless.

Getting over and moving forward is a process. It takes time to forget and heal.

Gratitude is something that you must give sincerely. Appreciate whatever life has in store for you...see everything with both eyes open.

God...as always...will never leave you. He will be there at your darkest moment and keep you close once you're in dire need. He will supply with air like one tank in re fill.

Eventful....emotionally riveting...pleasant....energizing.
2009 will be the beginning and culmination of everything I learned and kept...

May God continue blessing us!
Keep the faith!!!
Love and be loved....

Happy holidays!!!!
Cheers and kudos for a fruitful year!!!

Got to see "Twilight."

A flick full of action and romance; a drama set in the deepest forests of Forks with its roots all the way from Seattle; a flight of both life and dreams where beginnings never end and endings have beginnings...

Yes...it's the latest craze after Harry's and is expected to rise even way beyond it.

You have to give full credit to Stephenie Meyer for writing this series of tales, a saga that's waiting to evolve from something scary to romantic. None other than..."Twilight."

Honestly, I have started collecting books after buying my first set- The Harry Potter series then it was soon followed by C. S. Lewis' Chronicles of Narnia. My addiction for fantasy is somewhat made real through these books and glad that I did.

"Twilight" is bent on becoming a classic. Aside from the fact that it appeals to a wider audience, it also catches the attention of vampire stories' enthusiasts around the globe. It was beautifully written making use of vivid descriptions and intensified emotions; it transcends the fluidity of life in time and makes love a complexity worthy to own.

Got to say the characters evoke in them personalities of pros and cons; the highlights of the story marked by Edward's mysterious facade and Bella's inquisitive approach. You will notice the writer's expertise as she shows the details through descriptions as if each setting is being seen at hand. You will naturally feel how each page makes you crave for more as if you're one vampire on the hunt...

I really can't wait to watch this film come November 26th though I have to wait further than that. And since my insatiable thirst for this romantic adventure won't be quenched for now...the least thing that I can do was to draw first blood in buying the second book entitled "New Moon."

A Good Fight

My affinity with Coelho's works started when I first read "The Alchemist" then "The Zahir." Both are great works that I soon realized my wanting to write one some day_ my own book.

As of this writing, I'm still in the process of reading and hopefully finishing the book. I wanted to do it so bad that regardless of my schedule, I would keep track and make sure I'll read a page or two.

Here's something that I want to share with you guys, a passage more so an excerpt from the book. This has something to do with living our dreams; creating what must be created to continue whatever our hearts feel of doing...

"We must never stop dreaming. Dreams provide nourishment for the soul,just as a meal does for the body. Many times in our lives we see our dreams shattered and our desires frustrated, but we have to continue dreaming...what's important is knowing that both sides were fighting the good fight."

"The good fight is the one we fight because our heart asks it of us...Today, though, the world has changed a lot, and the good fight has shifted from the battlefields to the fields within ourselves."

"The good fight is the one that's fought in the name of our dreams. When we're young and our dreams first explode we haven't yet learned how to fight. With great effort, we learn how to fight, but by then we no longer have the courage to go into combat. So we turn against ourselves and do battle within...we kill our dreams because we are afraid to fight the good fight."

After reading these, I began asking if I did fight the good fight? Am I really living my dream? Honestly, I felt that I did go into battle not against another person but within. There were times before when I felt I cannot develop something out a very frustrating situation or let's say I have sort of given up. But things have changed and made me see the value of living for your self...your dreams...your seemingly dead wants. I began to realize that whatever it is that my heart really desires, a way would reveal itself. That any time lost isn't a waste...

If living the good fight means huge waves of trials then so be it,
If living the good fight means digging the past and resolving with it, then I am prepared.

If living the good fight means facing your biggest fears, then I will be proud to contend with it, giving all I have for my dreams sake.

We are heading on different roads...pursuing our own destinies. Declarations of hope are like declarations of inner voices, always seeking to be heard.

We have ambitions, needs and aspirations either for ourselves or for others. Just remember, that wherever life takes you...your heart will be your saving grace.

Thoughts in Random

The following are words, more or less ideas pertaining to my old and new way of thinking. Since then, I have formed this habit of taking down notes, as if I squeeze details out my head, and as expected, I often see them as random thoughts appearing constantly like woes and tales of fears and dreams.

* There are ways to enrich oneself...nurture your gifts. All you have to do is acknowledge, seek them out and earn your way through it.


*Patience is hard work's kin. They go together so well that beautiful and inspiring things surround them.


*Life is a drawer with us serving its keys.


*Finding the rightest thing could lead us to roads less traveled.


*Earn for yourself the kindness of strangers and there you'll see more friends.


*Love as if you run out of time and each act will last forever.



I don't know how they come about and speak to me like murmurs in the wind. To me, they are expressions of my inner conscience; adaptations of cryptic knowledge.

Whatever message they convey, I do hope each comes as a lovely present that will bring me happiness and enlightenment.

The Act of Forgiveness

Today, I have realized the value of forgiving...shedding that old skin of despair and letting oneself shine beyond defeat.

I was severely hurt by people who I trusted and often did I question why.
I was being battered emotionally by the ones who acted as friends yet reveal themselves as enemies.
Each letdown was painful and memorable...like a wound that never heals.

After my Grand father's death, I vowed to live the life I wanted.
I started to write and pursued it as a career and I did.
I opened new doors for other people and did they enter.
I, again became a feeling human after seven years of secluding my pains and in more ways was I've been blessed.

I have made a picture of myself achieving things which I foremost just dreamed.
I have renewed ties and re built forgotten relationships.
In less than a year, I felt that I was truly living and my Grandfather's demise proved to be a new beginning.

I must admit that I blamed myself for a lot of things, for reasons either personally inflicted or provoked by someone else.
I have lived and became quite fearless and in so doing, I commanded respect but gained a number of mistakes...ones which I will never be proud of so to speak.
Still, I opted to do the inevitable and change...for I want and have to.
A leap of faith became my greatest agony and for that I have began to feel that my acts are unforgivable.

The act of forgiving is tough as much as it is hard to forget.
It's ironic that at a time when I thought I have flown and defied boundaries, there would be times when I need to seek and learn to forgive.

Forgiveness for things I have done wrong.
Forgiveness for time wasted.
Forgiveness for not being true and real...

My grandfather died and I never had the chance to speak with him...
A year had passed and I am sort of grieving...
But I knew that the last thing he wants is for me to carry the burden and be incapable of forgiving...

That is why I need to do so and begin with myself.

From here on, My Grandfather's life would be celebrated....
His memories will never fade...
I thank him for giving me reasons to re think my life and act on them with faith.

To Lolo,
Your life would be our vision...something that will guide us in knowing what has to be dealt with.
That we may find the need to spend days with loved ones, friends and family.
Yours was a life that is felt and shared.

Move forward and never look back

The very first step in moving on is the ability to take steps backward. It is more of knowing and understanding what happened and not focusing on what merely went wrong. It is like taking in the loss and understanding what you have gained in the experience...what lessons it taught you and what future days will bring.

It is never easy. In fact, it is always difficult and hard to take. But remember- the harder the steps, the greater the reward.

We should not be tied up with past problems as it will consume you...break you. Thinking of problems and heart aches over and over will make you feel weak and ill. You will feel lonely and depressed; you will eventually give up and lose everything you worked hard for.

In making these steps, remind yourself of good things and blessings.

Reward yourself with minor achievements. Successful people revel on goals fulfilled and jobs greatly finished.

Gratitude is essential in seeing beneath life's treasure chest. God is great for he remembers and never forgets. He showers us with love and not just second chances.

Prioritize and never compromise loved ones and family. Be thankful for them. Surround them with affection and support their needs in ways you can.

Start your day with a prayer and end it with affirmation. Compassion is evident in words of heart and inner self.

Moving on does not only refer to a broken heart or unfulfilled promises. It has something to do with living and continually seeing life.

Moving on is like sailing the ocean amidst angry waves; a journey which will make you stronger and happier.

Of lost trust and daunted faith

For me, faith is something that one can't live without. Be it religion, an unknown source or fragmented imagination, it is always crucial to hold on to something that could make you stronger and move on. That to me, is the essence of faith...of hope.

In the past, I tend to believe people right away. Bearing in mind, that each person has within him this certain kind of truthfulness that will make you trust him. A stranger's ways could lead to friendships and stable relationships, lasting the test of time and struggles. I am very lucky for I have known people who can be trusted and believed in.

In the course of one's life, we are either destroyed or damaged by irreversible consequences brought by distrust and betrayal. And often, we find it quite hard to get back to where it all started. A friendship whose value remains in years can be tainted by issues relative to money or petty fights; others could have been due to arguments leading to eventual pain and severity of words said; some of which had lasted bearing in one's heart the arguments and misunderstandings. There is always the pride that keeps us from being humble and make us believe again, that something can be relived and tried the second time. But can you actually blame yourself for not giving these friendships a second chance?

All of us has different takes on this one. Some may argue how important life is to be wasted away just like that; how life is too short just to ignore people who want to be a part of your life. As for me, sure life is short, life is valuable so is time, yet it does not mean you have to re consider everything and definitely everyone.

The extent of the hurt, the act of grievance and thought of resentment must be totally banished from your system first. For every friendship lost, comes stages towards healing and relief. It does take time and normally, no one can always put the blame nor pinpoint the accusation to somebody else. You have a part in your own healing and you need to recognize the worth of chances given.

I am different and has a fragmented take on this...so are everyone. I can never just pretend to go along and act as if I'm healed for I am not probably. A friendship taken by life's oddity can be taken back at a moment when you feel you can rebuild trust again. It could be my act of grievance, my thought of resentment but as I've said- it takes time. Life is too short indeed to be wasted on someone who can never do you any good. Nevertheless, life is too valuable to spend each moment re living a friendship that was not meant to be.

Be true always. It will help you think not of betrayal but of faith. Believing in the rightest things can spell a whole lot difference in how you see yourself. In the process, you will be kinder and genuine to friends and family. Value time and hope for the best.

Blind No More

About a week ago, I came across an email which literally took my interest and put my convictions to a halt. It has something to do with a short film, featuring a blind man begging on the streets. In it, many people stared, a couple dropped coins into the man's tin can while others never even stop to look or pay attention whatsoever. It was pretty much a scene that for others if not for some is quite ordinary. But then as the short film keeps on reeling, you would see this man passing by, who stopped for a moment and got hold of the beggar's sign. He took it, write something on it and put it back in place, just beside the old man's. As hours pass, you would notice the difference, people are starting to pay attention, dropping their change or coins, seemingly giving without holding back. It's amazing! But have you ever thought of asking- what did the man put on the beggar's sign? what stirred the interests and created the change?

With every sound of these coins dropping, the old man knows how full the tin can has become. That probably, he is having his greatest day ever. People for awhile stopped this time not ignoring his presence, taking at least minimal interest towards a beggar who practically stayed and lived on the streets. For sure, it was not the first time some of them had seen him yet now they are there noticing him...giving.

As the beggar hears and perceives all these, the man who came before dropped by later that day. The blind man, knowing it was him, finally asked, "What did you do with my sign?" Then the man, donning his power suit and clean shoes so replied, "Nothing, I'd written the same thing but with different words." And then he left...

As for the sign? The beggar initially wrote these,

"Have compassion...I am blind."

then the man ended up writing these,

"Today is a beautiful day and I can't see it."


See, nothing can be taken away from someone who realizes things differently. It is true that life is a matter of perspective. You conceive something nice and positive, and the results would follow the same. Think of life as something negative, and you will end up perished and agonizing.

The man helped the beggar in the most simple yet rational way. He had not just given him a spare of change but a sign that would make him feel seen and appreciated. A very simple story but with a blessed end.

Happy reading!!!

Re finding ...

"A writer conceives out of nothing...he is the ever seasoned painter who never leaves his canvass blank."-jcl

I'd written these words in my application days ago. It leaves me thinking how words can deny and defy you. Deny you of time as it can be a graceful solace; defy you of reality as writing gives you wordy fantasies. I thought, if there is one thing that would complete if not begin my journey as a novice writer, it has to be the 'Palanca'. I first heard of it when I was in college, year 1994, and it has been a passion, no, make that an obsession. So far, none of my attempts succeeded but I'm planning to write for it once more.

The first time.
Second semester, year 1994. A friend handed me the application, I wrote my piece,have it read by an English professor and I was told, "It wasn't good enough, better concentrate on speech."

The second time.
April, year 2004. I was on my fourth year as a housewife, I went to Makati and have my application personally made, I wrote a half-finished piece, and dropped out before the race even began.

The third time.
January, year 2007. I downloaded the forms, wrote a complete piece entitled 'Broken Fences', I have it read by friends, have the copies ,all three of them sent by courier, I waited and lost.

After a number of attempts, I decided not to join this year. All because, I have nothing worthy to write about. I have been waiting for the right piece...the seemingly perfect fragment of my creative self, as it whips into the air not mere letters but vivid words. Something that would keep me awake each time I scribbled lines of prose and poetry. A part which keeps myself hidden...and through which I can see all my senses justified and revealed.

If that would mean waiting for a number of years, then so be it. As long as I have in me the guts...no failure can ever stop me from doing what I feel gives me so much life.

A tenacious bite.

After almost a month, I am here again, reiterating the fact that my work is my greatest passion. For years, I have been struggling to see its benefits and recently, I had a taste of its value. Several projects later, I am now an online essay writer. I've been writing articles and essays for other people, and is being compensated out of it. A good feeling, especially that my passion is slowly becoming my 'bread and butter'.

I never really thought that writing would serve me this well. I am grateful that of all the skills available to man, I did have a share in it. I will never run out of words expressing the simplest and inconceivable joy I'm having; the presence of blessings that come my way each day and the kind of life I am living- imperfect, full of flaws and challenges. It takes more than courage, come to think of it, it takes tenacity and determination to say that "life is good....God is great."

The good Lord...as always...provides.
Happy Reading ! Ciao!

Childhood Dreams

I remember one time, when I was about eight years old, I have always wanted to grow up fast so that I could start working...be somebody and not just stay as this fragile-looking girl who stays up late and just dream.

I remember one time, I told myself that I wanted to be this and that and this again,hehe. So many things I have wanted to achieve as if everything can be done so easily. That is how an eight-year old mind works..full of hope and dreams.

I remember wanting to become a ballerina, a teacher, a secretary even a stewardess....a writer. I recall wishing to become a figure skater or a gymnast or a child singing wonder. It's like when you're young...you feel as if anything is possible; that life is nothing but a playground. So whimsical, joyful, and immensely beautiful. You see things at its best and lightest moment; you appreciate people as if they can never do you wrong; you aspire as if it's the best way to live and you dream as if there's no tomorrow. MY CHILDHOOD DREAMS ARE LIKE MY GREATEST FANTASIES.

23 years later, I found myself simply as someone who holds in her heart these wondrous dreams. I never became a stewardess, gymnast or a ballerina but know what? I feel as if I am still young...full of hope and sharing a life filled with good memories of what I was before. I don't know, maybe life taught me that dreams never stop from becoming true..one could have taken a different path yet still you knew the precious token of aspiring for something new and good if not great. Dreams take shape and become varied along the way, it never fades...it stays.

I also promised before how I wanted my kids to fulfill the dreams, my dreams. But then I realized I should not think of passing onto them my secret wishes or greatest fantasies. A child becomes a child at a moment when she feels she can do anything, without having someone or anyone telling her what to do or what to become. I wanted my kids to have their own dreams, childhood dreams. I want them to feel how it's like to think and believe that there is one world out there ready to be explored and experienced. I won't make their dreams for them. I won't let my wishes become theirs. I want them to become someone who knows what it takes to live and be free.

Now, I am doing everything I can to become a writer. I learned business in college and graduated accordingly but dreams are like nightmares you know,hehe. It can haunt you but with a good feel. I still pause whenever I see ballerinas and gymnasts or figure skaters on TV, I still wonder and think of what could have happened if I pursued those instead. But you know what? If I cannot become any of those, it does not mean I can never be someone. I still can. I will. :)

Bitter truth.

There's always the brighter side on things as much as there's the dimmer side. When I hear of people and their love stories, it's either I feel or see myself in them. If a person close to me happens to deal with a heart problem...then seeks my advice, I tend to give answers I myself found amazing. For in saying or giving those words...I am surprised at how I can come up with those things.

Losing oneself (in a relationship) begins when small things go unnoticed. When petty fights and misunderstandings are being ignored simply for convenience. Convenience, in terms of saving each other's time; minding reasons which often mean, "I know your point- so you don't need to say it" kind of thing? Yes, at times, when we want to talk, as in talk, either the other shuts us out or does not really understand but pretends he did.

That's why maybe friends get along better than lovers. It's because in friendship, we make ourselves available; we listen. We open our minds and are willing to give without necessarily taking. When we meet and have known friends...we become ourselves to the point of being brutally honest. We pay attention at the same time, regard each one's welfare. Unlike in a romantic relationship, we seem to give so much...we end up losing both our hearts and heads.

Late last night, upon learning of my dear friend's turmoil, I end up saying this-
"If you're with someone(you deeply love) and still you're confused and unhappy, then something is wrong. If being with him/her means not being true to yourself, then you got to end it...it's hard I know but you've got to ask- Is he the one for you? Sometimes, we're afraid to let go of someone because we love them...but if it means experiencing hurt over and over, why stay? If loving that person meant losing your purpose and happiness, would you wait till you lose yourself?

Love is supposedly uplifting...it's there for a reason that's supposedly right.
:)

First Aid Kit

We may not know it, but we often think of partners as immediate medicine kits...waiting to open and cure us with gauze pads. As we bleed either in peril or death( in my case, tantrums,hehe) my husband serves as my ultimate band-aid. He knows when to say the rightest words...he knows when to come up with the most encouraging words.

Isn't it good to know that everyday, you'll have a pair of lovely hands to comfort you or slow your senses when its about to take a major dive? In my case- when I go on panic mode.

Isn't it great feeling the warm embrace when all else fail to come? In my case- rejection at work; unfulfilled goals, etc.

It's true that each minute is an escape of both time and love.

Time...when we want to do things for people.
Love...when we want to show and feel affection.

My first-aid kit came to me at a time when my bleeding keeps on non-stop. My first-aid kit came to give me gauze pads of certainty and love when I feel emptiness, no doubt. My first-aid kit came at a moment when breathing seems too hard, he gave me the pills I needed for confidence and will to survive. And that was eight years ago..My! How time drifts fast!

I know that somewhere, there are those who feel the bleeding. Some having their band-aids with them...while others still hanging on, waiting. The bleeding could be mild and scars proved dense, on the other, bleeding could be worse. However, as we seek to find cure and healing, be it through partners, family or friends, what we should never forget is that we can also be our own band-aid...our selves could very well be our own first-aid kit.

Lighten up and cheer up! Lots of reasons to feel happy about life. You may have never seen it yet for you somehow avail of thicker bandages in exchange for swollen egos or broken pride. Live and move on! Life is full of things that never run out. :)

My Favorite Movie

If there is one movie that could literally move me to tears, it has got to be “A Walk to Remember”. For some strange reason, the characters have in them the innate substance of real-life romance; it ceases to become the sappy, youthful love story but instead evolves into something that many people longed to have- a real take for one’s unforgettable love. I am indeed a sentimental, emotional individual but the scenes of said movie often reminded me of two young lovers, enabling themselves towards love’s greatness; valuing merely the time and reasons why two people decide to begin a journey, uncertain in itself.

There, we have Jamie, always a social outcast; with her intentions primarily defined by others through bible reading and sharing time with the unpopular kind. She never aimed to seek the approval of others, neither trying to put a mask of pretense to get along but preferred to be herself. Often do we find ourselves in her, at one point in our lives, we have become invisible in somebody else’s eyes, trying to be noticeable enough. How many of us had experienced trying to get along but only to find oneself in oblivion, departing from what truly matters to us as a person? Jamie is a living detail of what life often means- acceptance and self-definition.

Then we have the character of Landon, the typical famous kid in school. He gets along pretty well, did not even struggle but at the height of belongingness sees nothing in terms of direction and future. A free spirit, Landon opts to stay cool in front of friends but was raring to prove something to his father. Some of us could see a part of ourselves in him, too. How we tried to keep up with the face, hiding our innermost thoughts and insecurities.

It has been a usual movie for some but to me, the movie speaks of a love proved beautiful and inspiring all along. How the characters saw each other; the ways in which time and space brought them together; how they struggled in the middle of social differences and intrusion, these had been elements of a natural story that could have meted and told simply but still emotionally-moving and truthful.

My liking for romance and love stories is fairly usual, however, seeing it prompted me to read the book, “A Walk to Remember” by Nicholas Sparks. It has been presented differently and reading between the pages meant another thing for me-a deeper insight as provided by the words, creating features of both past and undying love. Watching the film and reading the book made me see the wonders of falling and really feeling for someone; how it brought you the memories of meeting the very person who will rightfully stay even in passing time. It’s like re telling a story the way a seventeen year old does…feeling the memories as if nothing changed… seeing again the days that will undoubtedly bring you smiles. To those who think of love stories as mere drag, then seeing this is worthlessly dull but to those who think of love as the greatest feeling ever known to man, you may see yourself either crying or relating if not remembering someone. I guess, you have to read or watch it yourself to really understand and for Mandy Moore and Shane West’s fans, the movie would be a delectable visual delight.

Winners and Losers.

For days now, my husband is bugging me about finding certain game manuals which he obviously needs. I put it off for awhile for I have things to do and yesterday , he again reminded me of it. I gave in and told that I'll find it today. Around 11 am, after lunch, I was more into watching the Pacquiao-Diaz bout than getting through old stuff and asked him if I can find them some other day. Of course, my husband knows that the only answer I'm willing to take is Yes so I was free,hehe. But since I am one who do not really delay things bearing its significance and all- I decided to search for the manuals, after all Manny won and it feels great,hehe.

Back to the searching. As I rummaged through piles and stacks of old papers, I came across one flier- a copy of Sydney Harris' "Winners and Losers" compilation of precepts regarding what differentiates the one from the other and I became totally interested. I mean, everything that was written absolutely makes sense- not just one but lots of them and reading made me think...am I a winner or a loser?

To give you guys a preview of what 'winners and losers' is all about, I've decided to impart some of it here, through my blog; I want to feature at least one or two and discuss it a little bit, for in finding my capacity as a winner (or loser), I wanted to associate actual life learnings and tell really if I have been a winner? a loser? or in most part...both?

Here's the first one:

"A winner makes commitments;
a loser makes promises."

Commitment. It is really a big word. Come to think of it- many find it hard to commit for it means time and effort and total honesty. At certain things in our lives, we want to think we've committed enough; said the right things; wanted the right job; made use of our potential, etc. But the truth is- we barely know if what we've committed ourselves into were really worth-committing after all. That there is really no guarantee that our time, effort or honesty would take us far. What we know is that- we're committing for there is this rational thinking and subconscious feeling that a thing could have brought us all the favor. And we often go for it. We think we've decided rightly and committed either to a person, a career, a relationship, etc. for we felt we should. There's this invisible line we crossed leaving all inhibitions and second thoughts. In a sense, we are winners...for we never got afraid to try and risk. We finally accepted the uncertain and made it a certainty on our own taking. That folks....is commitment.

Promises. Uhhhmmmm...lots of thinking here,hehe. Well, I've made promises like you guys did but admittedly promises are mindfully big but heavily broken. Based on experience, promises are like bad gourmet food, very pleasing to the eyes but leaves a bad taste in one's mouth,hehe. I could go on and ramble about how promises are made and most of the time not kept, however, I think instead of giving promises, it's better to say no. Others may find it difficult or displeasing but it's far good to be frank and brutally honest than made a person feel and think you can be one reliable person. For in the end, you'll be hurting someone else and yourself. In the long run, your reputation precedes you and if you'll be labeled as the sweet-tongued, flamboyant jerk or poisonous vixen...then getting it off your back means a hell of hard work. I'd rather be perceived as the cold, lonely spinster (not! hehe) if it's really you...at least you're consistent,haha. Kidding aside, I mean, say no when you have to...it's one tricky world out there so you gotta gain your ground and be true. It matters really. It is your conviction that will save you from a lot of trouble. You may not know where I'm coming from, believe me. You gotta know when to say yes or no.

Winning in life doesn't mean we can't afford to fail for at most, we're winning at times when we do. We learn the hard way and each time we find our backs hard-pressed onto the wall...that's when we realize how commitment means winning in failures. It pays to commit and fall than promise and fall a couple of times more.

Think about it. :)

What I ask in my prayers?

As a young girl, I often regard prayers as my passageway to heaven's gate; it is the only key to having a talk with God; a direct line of conversation. I feel that it doesn't really matter whether or not prayers are heard or ignored, for I feel and believe God has his own means of knowing our heart's whispers just even before we utter them. It's a formality of sort.

I also thought of prayers as my way of conversing with a friend...an imaginary one at that. Every time I feel scared or lost, I pray. Each day, when I have within untold wishes even secret keepings, I pray. My life is synonymous with prayers like one silver lining. It is my well of hope...my well of dreams.

In my early teens up till my late twenty's , I seem to pray for survival. My challenges then were insurmountable that my premier haven would be the church (in Baclaran). Whenever I feel weak and depressed; happy and blessed, I pray and render my heartfelt thanks. To me, my prayers relieve me of unpleasantness, thus, giving me the faith that whatever I am facing has it's meted end.

Nowadays, I pray not for my needs but for my husband, family and friends. I pray for their good health and fortune. I pray for their blessings and personal retribution. Anyone who had graced my life, affected me big or small, I pray for them...yes, even former friends, I still do. It was never an act of hypocrisy whatsoever for everyone must be blessed no matter what. I never wanted anyone to feel he has little or less in life. And if my prayers, even for the tiniest bit it could provide, I hope it would help. I will gladly pray for them as I feel for them too and are still important.

Prayers are powerful in a sense that it provides hope.
It gives us this feeling of belongingness...realizing that you are never alone.

Calculated Risk.

Is there such a thing as calculated risk? For someone who is a pessimist and a non-risk taker, there isn't. But for someone who believes in taking steps with caution, there is.

I am the former and my husband is the latter (to a certain degree, I must say). We never really argued over it for we both believe in one thing- change. We know that in our eight year together, we are facing issues known to ourselves which need much resolving. We want to discuss how these changes can take effect and affect our lives long-term.

Last night...Mark and I... we're again having difficulty sleeping. All because we are somewhat thinking of taking steps towards a major change. I can't really point out details for they were personal, however, what matters is that we are talking, talking and talking. And last but definitely not the least, we are listening.

The bottom line? We are thinking of each one's welfare and happiness. That such cannot be gained alone; that in us talking things over means open-mindedness and resolution.

I want him to be happy.
He wants me to be happy,too.
I want him to succeed.
And he wants me to achieve something for myself,too.

As long as we know we have each other...with or without affluence...a risk is one we're willing to take to calculate not the numbers but the years we would experience together.

:)

Time well-spent .

"Time is too slow, for those who wait,
Too swift, for those who fear,
Too long, for those who grieve,
Too short, for those who rejoice...
But for those who LOVE...Time is eternity."

Have you ever wondered how you spend your time each day? Have you ever asked yourself how come time leaves us easily at moments when we want people and events to stay? It seems that time is neither a friend nor foe...for those who want it in their own terms.

It's no puzzle to those who knew me how I'd been as a stay-at-home wife for years. Many have expressed their surprise learning how I decided to remain at home, not working considering how competitive I was in school back then. Some have even commented that they never really expected me to be just at home and not pursuing a career. And most of the time, I am wondering did I really make the rightest decision for myself?

I must say it filled a cup if not a pitcher of bluish pressure. I started to question myself and my decisions. I even wanted to take a job just for the sake of having one unknowingly pressuring myself even more. I'm not putting a blame onto someone else's back but hearing comments make me somewhat vulnerable and for a time I have to discern my life in general in the most realistic and practical way possible.

It took a toll on me one time and I was more indecisive than before. My husband felt it too and he comforted me in ways he could ever knew. He often gives me assurance saying that he appreciates the littlest thing I do on his behalf; that his life would be a mess if I won't be there managing things around; that I am doing so many people a favor by sharing a part of me each day, extending my help to them unselfishly, that his life would not be that easy and wonderful if not for the little things I do for him. That part caught me, how sweet of him really.

But that was a year ago...when I realized my passion once more, I began to feel life breathing upon me. All this time, I am seeking for something that others imposed on me rather than finding something that would really inspire me. In my previous posts, I am elated each time I reveal my writing; the ways of I discovered this gift as well as relating experiences coupled with both anxiety and excitement. It was a process towards re discovery and affirmation. It was a moment of bringing the very inspiration I seek all along. It felt as if I'm a whole new person!

If not for my indecision, I would have never really wanted change. I could have faltered thinking I made time useless but in so doing, I knew of my other blessings. I should have never regarded time and thought of it as one expense. My life...our life is worth each minute or second. Whatever gives you joy or peace, be content with it. No matter how big or small...it pays to see beyond faces and places or ordinary things. For life is time well-spent with all the love taking its place.

I recall waiting for that moment and time graces so slow,
I remember being afraid of uselessness and time bent too low,
I made tears known and it flowed too long,
Love waved at me and made me strong.

Happy Reading!!!
Ciao!!!

love thoughts...

"The most interesting thing about heart transplants is that one completely loses his own heart and be replaced with someone else's yet still has the feelings for the same person he/she loves...this proves that love works in the minds of people and not in their hearts. Bottom line is that love is a state of mind...you'll learn how to forget only if you try doing so."

-Dr. Burke (Grey's Anatomy)

When a person loves, it's as if nothing ends. When a person falls deeply, he thinks of love as one fairy tale which ends so beautifully. The thing is we love and need to face the truth of rejection, anger and pain.

Read the words and you'll find it easy somehow to accept that moving on is personal too...just like love is.

:)