Re finding ...

"A writer conceives out of nothing...he is the ever seasoned painter who never leaves his canvass blank."-jcl

I'd written these words in my application days ago. It leaves me thinking how words can deny and defy you. Deny you of time as it can be a graceful solace; defy you of reality as writing gives you wordy fantasies. I thought, if there is one thing that would complete if not begin my journey as a novice writer, it has to be the 'Palanca'. I first heard of it when I was in college, year 1994, and it has been a passion, no, make that an obsession. So far, none of my attempts succeeded but I'm planning to write for it once more.

The first time.
Second semester, year 1994. A friend handed me the application, I wrote my piece,have it read by an English professor and I was told, "It wasn't good enough, better concentrate on speech."

The second time.
April, year 2004. I was on my fourth year as a housewife, I went to Makati and have my application personally made, I wrote a half-finished piece, and dropped out before the race even began.

The third time.
January, year 2007. I downloaded the forms, wrote a complete piece entitled 'Broken Fences', I have it read by friends, have the copies ,all three of them sent by courier, I waited and lost.

After a number of attempts, I decided not to join this year. All because, I have nothing worthy to write about. I have been waiting for the right piece...the seemingly perfect fragment of my creative self, as it whips into the air not mere letters but vivid words. Something that would keep me awake each time I scribbled lines of prose and poetry. A part which keeps myself hidden...and through which I can see all my senses justified and revealed.

If that would mean waiting for a number of years, then so be it. As long as I have in me the guts...no failure can ever stop me from doing what I feel gives me so much life.